critical people

Top 5 Communication Mistakes #3

11:29 pm

3: Misinterpreting the message

Misinterpretation, like all miscommunication can occur similar to a slide rule; from small and non-life threatening to huge and life threatening.  For example the barista who mistakenly gives you a full fat latte when you asked for light; to the child crossing the road independently and hears “Go” instead of “No!!”

I heard a comedian recently talking about how does it happen that he goes to the hairdresser and asks for a particular style and somewhere between communicating that idea and the end result he leaves looking like a strange beetle – not what he had in mind….. I think I’ve been to that salon before!

You interpret a message and communication through your own lens, a lens shaped by your genetics, your communication and personality, past experience, emotions and mood that day.  There are quite a few filters.  It’s a bit like when you are in a bad mood in the car and someone toots the horn.  Some of us, (not naming names) may get quite aggressive and start waving our arms and abusing the driver, thinking they were having a go at us.  When in all likelihood it could have been someone saying “Hi” to someone else that they saw and knew.

It’s important to be aware of the “lens” we all have and how it impacts on our perspective of things.  When you are unsure, ask questions until you are clear on the message.  NEVER ASSUME, it can get you into so much trouble.

Next time we will look at the fourth of the top 5 communication mistakes made everyday. If you have found this helpful please share it with someone who would benefit.

For tips, free resources and information on our upcoming Master class “The Art Of Difficult Conversations” check out our website at www.teamology.com.au

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

 

 

 

The Strong Communicator and “The Block”

2:26 pm

Is anyone a raging Block fan? After all with almost half a million following on Facebook and it being a Channel 9 hit show you just may be a fan.

Well I am, and in recent months with a heavy bout of insomnia I have been indulging in the wee hours. I love it!

In a recent very popular post about “dealing with a Strong Dictator, oops sorry Communicator” it seemed to strike a chord with you all. So I am guessing that many of you out there are struggling with this from time to time?

Now the recent changes to the block have meant that all of the teams who have been competing with each other are now forced to work together to finish an entire apartment together in 2 weeks. You may agree, a very challenging environment! As you may have read on this blog too, stress can bring out the worst in our communication styles.

For example if you are a Powerful and Direct Communicator, under stress you may become stronger, more direct, more aggressive and even more competitive. A nice situation huh. Now the lovely example I want to share with you of the Strong Powerful and Direct communicator on the block is none other than ‘Dee’.

She openly describes herself as assertive and cannot see why she is too confrontational and difficult for the other contestants to deal with. From all accounts she appears to be a lovely lady and terribly talented stylist however, she openly and without shame will “fight anyone” who gets in her way.

She fights for her rights, she will not take “No” for an answer and commonly responds to any attempts of collaboration with “What’s in it for me, how does that help me, that’s not my problem, or just flat out No.”

She has no fear or hesitation in speaking up, she frequently confronts anyone who she feels needs to be confronted and she what she thinks without hesitation and sometimes without any softening. The more stressed and pushed she gets, the harder more determined she is.

The hard thing for the other couples seems to be how to deal with her, with many of them just avoiding the confrontation or trying to laugh it off which only enrages her more. The lovely ‘Dee’ does not appear to understand that her strength of being able to be assertive and speak up can be threatening to others. In fact, you could argue that she doesn’t seem to care.

This is a frequent issue for Strong Powerful and Direct Communicators. Like all of us, we forget that we are different and think that we can all approach situations in a similar way. The fact that confrontation is so comfortable for her means she may have no understanding of someone who finds is completely frightening.

Similarly a Strong Playful and Influencing Communicator can have no understanding of the fear of a shy person. They struggle to see how someone can be frightened of speaking to some they don’t know because they are so comfortable with it.

So, thank you Dee and the Block for illustrating so beautifully such a common communication problem. If you relate and have struggled to deal with a Strong Communicator, to be assertive or say ‘No’ then check out our course on how to Master difficult conversations https://teamology.com.au/courses/madc/

You can learn some really simple and powerful strategies so that you are able to deal more effectively with such situations both at work and personally. Don’t put it off any longer; you deserve the freedom that speaking up for yourself brings.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

The Steady, the Analytical and Stress

3:56 pm

Did you know that 92% of Australians feel unfulfilled in their jobs?  Much of this may be attributed to stress and feeling disconnected in the workplace.  Continuing our discussion on stress and how it affects each Communication Style today we will look further into the Steady and Analytical Communication Styles.

The Patient and Steady Communicator is the quiet, people focused, consistent team member that loves harmony and for everyone to get along.  They avoid change and conflict like the plague.  When stressed, they will retreat further into themselves and try to pretend nothing is going on.

This style is very difficult to read so most often won’t show the signs of stress until it has been going on for quite a while.  Unfortunately, you won’t get a warning until the volcano blows!!   As you can imagine this is really hard for team members as they have no warning and seeing a usually quiet Patient and Steady style do their block is a sight to behold.

If this happens it is important to remember that the pre cursing event is one of MANY that have lead to this blow up.  This is one of the complications of the “Patient and Steady” letting everything build up until they cannot take any more.   It is very important for the “Patient and Steady” communicator to feel supported after a blow up happens, as they are always willing to support others.  They will appreciate a willing ear and a friendly smile.

If this is you, remember it is ok to ask for help and to say “No” when you need to.  If you are a “Patient and Steady” communicator you will respond to stress by needing to sleep more.  So take the time and allow yourself to do this when you need.

Many Patient and Steady Communicators do well in learning how to be more assertive, particularly when dealing with a more assertive style such as the Powerful and Direct or Playful and Influencing communicator. If this is you or someone you know check out our upcoming course on how to Master the Art of Difficult Conversations, in Sydney this November.

The “Perfect and Conscientious” comes across as highly detailed, organised, wanting perfection and quite task oriented.  When stressed they become even more task focused, they demand perfection and can become quite critical of others.  As you can imagine if your bench mark is perfection this is already a recipe for stress.  So if you notice your “Perfect and Conscientious” style team mate becoming more critical than usual, more controlling, if they seem tense and more anxious than usual it could be a sign that they are under stress.

Don’t take their criticism to heart, it is an outward sign of their inward battle.  Ask them if they need support, offer to help them get a plan together so they can get through whatever is causing them stress too.  If this is you, be kind to yourself, you will usually need some quiet alone time to deal with your hectic inner world.  Make sure you do this so that you can effectively deal with the cause of your stress.

For all of us, awareness of our own stress levels is key.  Realising that the people around us are affected by the way our behaviour and communication changes under stress is important.  I think it funny that when we are under stress, we behave differently toward others, they may not respond well and our stress can increase!  What a vicious and unhelpful cycle!

When you notice your stress increasing the best thing to do is acknowledge it, ask for support or help and get a plan.  Ignoring it is never the answer.  Ensure you allow yourself to do what helps you when stressed whether it be exercising, socialising, sleeping, quiet time or a combination; do what works for you.

I noticed a few years ago when my Husband and I were both stressed at the same time for different reasons.  When he is stressed he likes to socialise and I need a combination of exercise and quiet time.  He was really pushing to go out and it was honestly the last thing I wanted to do.  What did we do?  We compromised.  I said to him that I needed an hour to walk and think on  my own, when I got back I felt so much better and was able to then socialise as he so badly needed.

It is so important to take responsibility for your feelings, be able to share them, acknowledge and respect the needs of others.  In relationships, the whole mind reading thing really doesn’t work!

Next time we will look at a current and real life example of these interactions and how different communicators respond to stress.   Please share this information with friends and loved ones so that all of us can dial back the stress and begin to enjoy life more.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

The Dominant, the Influencer and stress

11:19 am

Each person responds differently to stress, each communication style responds in their own unique way.   Today we will look at how the Dominant and Influencing Communicators respond to stress. There are some common trends though so let’s see which on you relate most too.  This is helpful for you to know because whether you acknowledge it or not, the people around you will notice a change in you when your stress levels rise.

The Powerful and Direct Communicator can already comes across as task oriented, blunt, driven, even bossy.  When stressed they will become even more driven, blunt, decisive, quick thinking and moving.  They will exert even more “control” as their world spins out of control.  They may come across as aggressive which can be quite negative in a workplace.  So if you work with someone like this, your world can get quite difficult when they become stressed.

It is really important not to take their behaviour personally.  Be courageous and ask them if they are ok.  Yes, even these guys need support and would appreciate you asking.  They often have no idea how they come across and don’t understand why their team mates are backing away slowly when they enter the room!  If this is you, you need to acknowledge the stress and then ensure you have helpful strategies to address it.  Things such as exercise will help to burn or your excess adrenaline and allow you to think and gain some calm.

The Playful and Influencing Communicator comes across as, people oriented, the life of the party, they are talkative, fun, colourful and optimistic.  When they become stressed they will talk even more, be even more loud and flighty (if that’s possible).  It may be hard to keep up with them it may seem like they are on something!  Eventually they may become quite short and may even snap which is completely out of character for them.  This can damage work relationships, as they are usually so friendly and willing to chat.

Again, don’t take their behavior personally, ask them if they are ok, and if they need any support.  The “Playful and Influencing” communicator likes to be included in all interactions but if they are either talking too much or becoming snappy they will begin to be shut out; this is like torture for them.   If this is you, take the time to work out what may be causing the stress for you.  Get a plan and get your stress under control.  Things such as socialising are really important for you when you are feeling stress.

Next time we will look at how the Patient and Steady Communicator and Perfectionist and Conscientious Communicators respond to stress. Please share this information with friends and loved ones so that all of us can dial back the stress and begin to enjoy life more.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Do you speak up, even when its risky? continued…..

1:24 pm

Each of the Styles has their own challenge with difficult conversations or speaking up.  This is because each of the communication styles has their very own strengths and struggles.

For example, if you are a “Powerful and Direct” communicator you won’t usually shy away from such conversations, however you can be quite blunt and the results may not always be great.  You may be happy but the poor scarred person left behind may have a different version.

If you are a more Enlightened “Powerful and Direct” communicator you may avoid conversations for fear or concern of causing offence in another, saying to yourself “they may not cope with my upfront style, so its best not to say anything”.  This often does not work for you as not saying anything is sure to drive you nuts and you can become snippy and sarcastic and you try to deal with all of this unsaid material.  There is a safer middle ground to be found.

If you are the “Playful and Influencing”  communicator you may avoid such conversations for fear of not being liked by the other.  Social rejection is a strong  fear of yours so you would rather say something empty and nice because if you are truthful they may not like you anymore.  How can you possibly tell your friend something they may take offence too, they may not be your friend anymore.  Again, not very useful.

If you are the “Patient and Steady” communicator.  You may not speak up because you fear conflict above all.  You would rather poke your eyes with a stick than speak up and say that someone has done the wrong thing.  You crave harmony however, what you don’t realise is that you are creating further stress for yourself and allowing people to walk all over you by keeping your silence.

If you are the Analytical and detail oriented “Perfect and Conscientious” communicator you may not speak up for fear of being wrong.  You like to be completely sure you are right before questioning anyone after all you seek perfection.  The problem is if you don’t speak up you become so frustrated that things are not being done correctly.  You can become overcritical and create a huge amount of tension in your relationships as a result.

In coming issues we will go through the steps to having those difficult conversations and the elements required to ensure that you get a good result from tricky conversations.  This does not mean that everyone agrees all of the time, but it does mean that you can speak honestly, that so can others, and only in this environment can your relationships truly flourish.

If you can relate to some of these issues mentioned in this blog, if you lack confidence, wish you were more assertive or would like to understand your communication style more then check out our upcoming workshop in Sydney “Master the Art of Difficult conversations”.   More information will be coming soon

Connect, Care and Be Conscious.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Even when it’s risky, do you speak up?

11:30 am

How  often have you seen something or heard something you know is not right and not said anything?  We all do it and sometimes the outcomes can be devastating!

Sue was in hospital for a routine tonsillectomy.  She was otherwise a very healthy woman in her mid thirties.  While in theatre the surgeon scrubbed in and proceeded to operate and removed her right foot!

Worse than that, there were 7 other people in that theatre that saw the surgeon doing the wrong thing and no one spoke up!  Why don’t we speak up?  For most of us it is fear, or complacency – we think “surely someone else will say something”.  Imagine how Sue felt when she woke to find such a horrible mistake had been made.  What about the surgeon?  How did he feel?

From a very early age we are subconsciously taught not to speak up.  This feeds into the idea that speaking up is risky.  We are not comfortable speaking up, what if we are wrong?  What if we look stupid? What if we make the other person angry?  Now hospitals are not the only place where this happens.  This occurs in workplaces every single day.  Think of the last time you saw something and knew it was not right, but thought “nope, I’m not saying a word, last time I spoke up I got in to trouble with the boss”.

Who in their right mind would want to anger someone in a position of authority over them?  Surely no one would? But here is the key!  Why does speaking up mean that we will anger someone?  I agree that we have all in the past avoided conversations because we are fearful of upsetting someone.  If we learn how to have these tricky conversations in a more effective way there is no need to fear the outcome.

The way you handle difficult conversations is usually one of two ways.  Firstly, you may become silent or sarcastic and use innuendo and subtle hints (like looks of disgust or disapproval) to get your point across.  How is that working for you?  When you hold back from sharing your true opinion you then create a situation where you may have to live with an outcome you did not agree to, but hey you didn’t speak up!

The other way is to become manipulative or aggressive and forceful to push your opinion onto someone else.  How is that working for you?  In this case you may get your way some of the time but I promise you it will be destroying your credibility and trust in your key relationships.  It’s just a matter of time.

How would you feel if you knew that you could have any conversations with anyone about anything?  These conversation and communication skills are accessible for you.  It’s about knowing how to create an environment where any topic can be addressed.  About creating an environment where it is safe for all parties to share their perspectives.  Once everyone knows where people stand honestly you can come to a mutually agreeable conclusion.

Have you ever thought, “there is absolutely no way I could ever say that!”  Or, “if I told them this they would be so upset!”  This may not be true, this is the story that you are telling yourself.  The skills of creating safety, sharing your opinion, remaining calm and working together to come up with a positive outcome is possible for us all.

in the next edition of light bulb moments we will discuss how your style impacts on how you handle difficult situations, what you feel and what you are likely to do.  When you understand yourself, you are more able to change the behaviours to get a better result.

Teamology is running a workshop in Sydney November 2014 that will teach you the skills to deal with these difficult conversations – details coming soon.  So if you are keen to feel more confident, to say what you need to say, to have that conversation you have been putting off then check out this workshop when it is released later this month.

 

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

When the Dominant and Influencer interact

5:15 am

We have discussed the Powerful and Direct Communicator previously however, here is a quick summary for you. The dominant styles are after results, they don’t mess around, they are straightforward, task focused. They like to make quick decisions, are big picture thinkers and think their way is the ONLY way.  They can come across as aggressive, competitive, sometimes bossy and harsh. However, they get loads done, are goal focused and won’t give in.

The Playful and Influencing style is one that is warm, fun and engaging. These guys are all about relationship and having fun. If you know someone with this style they can range from warm and friendly to zany and full of life, the life of the party.  This style does not care so much for organisation, rules, processes, work – it is simply not colourful or fun enough. As you can imagine, if you work with this style and don’t understand it, you could be having some frustrations. These guys are very good at motivating and energising people to do the work, not necessarily doing the work!

So what can happen when these two styles come together? They are both outgoing so have similar energy levels however, the Dominant style is all about results and the Inspiring style is all about recognition. The Dominant or “Powerful and Direct” style can be perceived by the Inspiring or “Playful and Influencing” style as cold and too focused on results, less on people.

While the “Playful and Influencing” style can be perceived by the “Powerful and Direct” style too emotional and lacking focus. Can you imagine these two working on a project together? The “Powerful and Direct” can be all about its their way or the highway while the “Playful and Influencing” has great ideas too, they just may not express them in a short succinct way like the “Powerful and Direct” needs to hear. The “Playful and Influencing” may be telling stories and nattering away while the “Powerful and Direct” goes crazy thinking of all the work they are not getting done.

The “Powerful and Direct” would love the enthusiasm, energy and motivating power that the “Playful and Influencing” has toward others, rather than potentially offending and scaring people like a strong “Powerful and Direct” can. These two styles can work so well together if they are aware of how they can potentially cause tension and how to bring out the best in others.

For example, the Strong “Powerful and Direct” can be all about results but an aware “Powerful and Direct” will realise that getting results through people is smart. The Strong “Playful and Influencing” may be more focused on people and relationships however at some point will need to produce a result. The two can work together to get a great result with a motivated and inspired team working with them.

It all comes down to realising we are all different and that we all have something to offer, something valuable. So next time that Strong “Powerful and Direct” communicator is telling you what to do and is not open to suggestions; a good starting point may be to understand they are all about the result and they don’t realise how offensive their direct style can be.

Next time the Strong “Playful and Influencing” is talking your ear off again about what they have been up to and is just not getting the job done, understand they just want to feel liked and appreciated for who they are. Some focused attention may be all they need.

If you would like to understand your own Communication style and that of those you work with, check out our workshops and resources.  understudying your own communication style and who to understand others is such a rewarding and worthwhile investment of your time.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

How do you cope with a Dominant, Powerful and Direct Communicator?

5:41 pm

How do you feel when you come face to face with someone who is after results, they don’t mess around, they are straightforward and task focused.  Those strong almost “Bossy” people who like to make quick decisions, are big picture thinkers and think their way is the ONLY way.

These people can come across as aggressive, competitive and harsh.  If you are not wired the same way you can really struggle.  If you are just as strong then look out!  We may have world war III on our hands!

What if you are more relaxed, quiet, avoid conflict and really focused on having harmonious relationships?  This is the Patient and Steady style and chances are if you are required to be around one of these strong styles all you may feel is CONFLICT CONFLICT CONFLICT!!

The sad truth is that the strong or Powerful and Direct style really has no idea how they come across to the more gentle styles like the Patient and Steady style.  They are perceived as pushy, direct, fast and loud  in order to get their result.  They honestly have no idea how they come across to the world.

When I was a young manager I had a really difficult experience.  I was in the bathroom minding my own business when a group of my staff came in and literally started berating me in the office loo.  Of course, they did not know I was in there.   I listened to them say things like “She always has to be right!”,  “It’s her way or the highway”, “why is she so pushy?”.  As I listened to this barrage, my heart sank.  This was not my intention at all!  I thought I was caring, supportive and encouraging.  Obviously my staff did not feel the same way.

I knew I had a decision to make, I could let this make me bitter or I could learn from it.  So, I took a deep breath and walked out to confront my accusers.  You should have seen their faces!  Poor things, they nearly died!  The temptation to make them sweat was strong, I won’t deny it!  However, I thanked them for the feedback and promised that things would change.  This event was actually the driver for me learning about different communication styles.  I was so confused about how differently I was being perceived.  On the inside I felt completely different to how many people saw me.

What I learned was that I was a very strong Dominant or Powerful and Direct style (like 98 out of 100).  What this meant was that I can across as really direct, blunt, pushy, even aggressive at times.  Particularly to the more gentle styles such as the Patient and Steady style.  Funnily enough I was surrounded by them at work and at home!

What I needed to do was learn about myself and how I can be perceived (both good and bad) as well as how to dial down some of my communication techniques so that I didn’t create conflict.  I don’t want to create conflict I wanted the results which meant working well with all types of people.  I still struggle at times, there are some scarred Patient and Steady types walking this earth I am sure after an interaction with me!  This is an ongoing  learning process that is exponentially diverse.  However, continuing to develop your communication skills to positively affect all of your relationships is really worth it.

As a strong Powerful and Direct Communicator  I did not want to offend people, I don’t want to put pressure on them or create tension and conflict.  I honestly did not understand how I was being perceived.  When I made the effort to change how I interacted with people, by choosing different words, slowing down, being patient and accepting others for their unique strengths and skills, my world changed for the better.

Next time the Strong Powerful and Direct is being bossy, pushy, aggressive, please remember they most likely don’t mean it, they are just striving for the result they so desperately need.  Don’t take it personally, take a breath and focus on their good points.  I would also encourage you to let them know how you feel, how they come across to you, I bet they have no idea.

If you would like to know more about your communication style and how to work more effectively with others check out our courses page.  The next workshop “How to handle difficult conversations and get a good result” is being held in Sydney in November 2014 and will the the last one for the year.  Here you will learn how to handle difficult conversations, difficult people, how to structure a difficult conversation and how to be assertive.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Knowing your intentions

9:15 pm

 

Each new day is a new start – thank goodness. Sadly many people only consider this at the beginning of the year, that leaves you missing out on 364 new beginning opportunities each year!!!!  So let’s take a brief moment to talk about your intentions and priorities in terms of relationships for you.

What do you agree that we have control over?  All the strong Powerful and Direct Communicator say “everything?!”  You may agree, the only thing we actually have control over is ourselves and our reactions.  This is particularly important when it comes to communication and relationships.  We all have the option of choosing our response.  Every day we are faced with people we find easy to be around and others that are “not so easy”.  People that we can find challenging are usually either the same as us (for those strong dominant personalities) or the opposite of us.

The key to better communication is to raise your own awareness to what you find easy and not so easy.  It’s then realising that you have the choice to respond with understanding and patience.  Unfortunately, when someone pushes your buttons they usually have no idea.  We get so caught up emotionally on how much they are ruining our day and they have no idea!

If a fast-talking, harsh, blunt co-worker just drives you nuts, it is more than likely their communication style and they are oblivious to your frustration.  In fact they probably think they are being gentle.  Or if it is the slow moving, slow talking, gentle colleague that never says “No” and does not stand up for themselves, who you find difficult.  Again it is probably their style, they would never dream of annoying anyone!

If you pause and take a moment to separate the person from how you are feeling and not take these things personally (because they aren’t), you are well on the way to better communication.  Communication is key to success across all areas of your life.  Many of the biggest problems in business come down to poor communication.  Additionally, the stress associated with poor communication and relational tension can contribute to absenteeism and high staff turnover.

So it is in all of our interest to separate our emotional responses when there is poor communication.  Try these tips to assist you,

  • Look for the strengths in everyone, we all have them
  • Don’t take it personally
  • Realise that everyone has a different communication style

To help you to deal with these tricky situations, Teamology provides workshops to assist you to learn techniques to deal with “difficult people and difficult conversations.”   These workshops are available in house, as public workshops and also as an online option later in 2014, more details to come.

So if you can relate to struggling with a difficult person or people, to not being sure how to be assertive and say what you need to say, consider learning some new skills.

If you would like to know how to stand up for your self and get a good outcome then please check out our resources, particularly the November 2014 workshop, “how to handle difficult conversations and get a good result.” You are welcome to check out the training options and resources or email us with any questions. We are here to help.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

When two Powerful and Direct Communicators interact

10:11 am

We have discussed the Powerful and Direct communicator previously however here is a quick summary for you.  The Powerful and Direct communicator is after results, they don’t mess around, they are straight forward, task focused, they like to make decisions, are big picture thinkers and think their way is the ONLY way.  They can come across as aggressive, competitive, sometimes bossy and harsh.

However, they get loads done, are goal focused and won’t give in. I worked recently with a Personal Assistant (PA) who has this strong personality type.  She was a highly efficient PA and loved her job.  However, since starting with a new Boss, a CEO she had really struggled, she felt that she was not appreciated, she felt like she was being micro-managed and not trusted to do her job.

The CEO asked for my assistance because he felt his PA was not the right person for the job.  When we looked closer at the situation what was really going on was that there were two very strong D’s interacting and neither of them were aware of the cause of this tangible tension. The CEO being a naturally strong D felt that he knew exactly what he wanted.  He wanted a PA that he could tell  what to do and when to do it, he didn’t need to show appreciation it was her job right?  He found her difficult at times even argumentative, he did not like it when she did things without him asking her to.

In addition, when she tried to tell him how to do things it drove him mad. Her response to this tension at work was to work harder, as she did so she became so stressed, worked really long hours, without a great result.  Remember D’s are all about results so this caused her immense anxiety and frustration.  The harder she worked the worse things got;  she really did not know what to do.

When we identified that both of these characters had strong Powerful and Direct in their communication style and that their intentions were the same – to do the best job possible and get a great result,  they were able to harness their strengths. The CEO was able to realise he could trust his PA to do a great job, that he did not need to tell her everything, that she could have ownership over some aspects of her work.  That freed him up to get more done and take on more challenges (another thing a strong Powerful and Direct communicator loves).

The PA then felt she has control over some decisions which was what she needed, she felt appreciated and was able to step back and stop putting in fruitless long hours.  She also had to manage her stress which she did by exercising each day (an essential requirement for a stressed Powerful and Direct communicator).

What you’ll usually find when two strong Powerful and Direct communicator come head to head is that they will both try to gain control.  As they do this they become more and more ego-centric, strong willed, bull like and demanding.  Without insight this can continue and the results can be quite ugly.

It is much smarter for these two to work together, work out who controls what, concede in fairness so a win /win can result.  It is a much better way to spend your energy working together for a great result than fighting against each other.  There are enough challenges out there for us all to take on!

If you relate to this situation, perhaps you work with someone who is a Powerful and Direct Communicator, you may have trouble speaking with them. You may feel unable to bring up issues, concerns or feel heard by them.  If this is your experience then you may need to develop some key communication skills.  We are holding a one day workshop just for you in Sydney November this year all about “How to handle difficult conversations and get a good result!”   We will advise of details on the website soon so keep a look out, help is on the way!

Until next time, Happy Communicating!  Why not join me changing the world one conversation at a time?  (Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.)