The Conscientious Communicator and Stress

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Ahh the Perfect and Conscientious Communicator and Stress, I really relate to this one as this style is my second strongest. In our last few installments we spoke generally about Communication styles in Strength and in stress. We then went into detail about the Direct Communicator and stress, you can read that one here. If you would like to learn about the Playful and Influencer Influencer and stress then go here.


Next we examined the Stabilising ‘Patient and Steady’ and stress, if you missed that go here.  Today, we look at the Perfect and Conscientious communicator and stress. The aim of this is to allow you to see just how differently stress affects each style and how they relate to the world around them, particularly when stressed.

The Perfect and Conscientious Communicator needs to be Right. They love organisation, crave perfection, need systems and order, they love neatness and probably seem quite anal, even OCD –ish to some around them. They are often quiet, reserved, great at organising, highly analytical, love details, want to know why, produce high quality work and can appear critical and potentially judgmental of anything below their standards.

The ‘Perfect and Conscientious Communicator’ is all about efficiency, perfection, detail and doing tasks as well and as thoroughly possible. They love detail, checklists, order, stationary, high quality, they are not too talkative and do not wish to stand out.

Unfortunately, in general the ‘Perfect and Conscientious’ communicators have no idea how they come across. They do not understand that some people can find them critical, boring, judgmental and perfectionistic.

The ‘Perfect and Conscientious’ Communicator is the polar opposite of the ‘Playful and Influencing.’ Remember, the ‘I’ is all about fun, laughter, disorder, bright colours. They are outspoken, loud and want to be the centre of attention. They do not pay attention to detail, that is boring. Who wants to let accuracy get in the way of a good story?

So, if you are working or living with a ‘Perfect and Conscientious Communicator’ then take heart, they are not meaning to be rude if they are critical, redo your chores, correct your spelling, correct your stats etc. They honestly cannot help themselves.

I remember as a small child making comments about my Mums writing and spelling. Little did I know she hadn’t finished school. She never told me that until I was older. When I realised later how I must have hurt her I really felt small and mean. She however, never let it show that it bothered her. What a Mum hey!

The ‘Perfect and Conscientious Communicator’ Communicator is also highly pessimistic so may get carried away with what could go wrong with a project or idea. However, it is good to balance the optimism with healthy pessimism and risk so that a good outcome and balance is struck. . If you manage or work with someone like this it is extremely important to understand where they are coming from and remember that any criticism or judgment is not personal.

I am a strong ‘Perfect and Conscientious Communicator’ and have battled perfectionism most of my life. It is exhausting battling the constant to do list in my head, the level I expect from myself and then trying to balance this with my sometimes ridiculous expectations of others. My enlightened self has good days with this, however when stressed I quickly revert back to critical Kylie and the wear rages in my head.

Under stress these attributes for the ‘Perfect and Conscientious Communicator’ become magnified, they tend to criticise more and get really bogged down in the detail. Sometimes to the point where progress stops and procrastination sets in because a decision that is not perfect is just not good enough.

For example, at work, you have Brian who is a ‘Perfect and Conscientious Communicator’ style who wants to be right, and sees the risk and down side to most things. He attends every meeting early with his binder and notebook. He has the last 3 months worth of minutes at this disposal and ahs done everything he said he would.

He can tell you in 3 seconds what you haven’t done and why your idea won’t work with the numbers to back it up. His desk is perfection with everything on it lined up perpendicular.

Sometimes when speaking with Brian, you get frustrated as you get bogged down in the detail. You may avoid some discussions because you feel it will be shot down in flames with all of the reasons why not. None of this is personal at all; he really wants to be helpful with all of this information.

Under stress, he gets even worse, more critical, more detailed; you may even feel hurt and ignored by his remarks and judgments. Whilst this is not ok, I am explaining this to you for your benefit. By understanding this you will be able to get through this stressful time because you wont take it personally.

One of the best ways to deal with such behaviour is to accept Brian for who he is and what his intentions are. He is not meaning to be rude he truly wants to help as correctness is next to Godliness. So be respectful, thank him for his efforts and acknowledge all the work he has done. By doing this you are seeing them, you are appreciating all of their effort.

For example Brian says to, “the report you gave me had to be tidied up, the figures were incorrect and I corrected a few grammatical errors, now it looks great?” As you begin to feel hurt by this remember their bottom line is perfection, how hard must it be to live there?

You could consider saying with patience and respect “Brian thanks so much for all of your hard work. I am so glad I have you to ensure that we get the best end result, seriously, with my ideas and your detail what a great team we make?”

You may not feel like saying this, you may be really annoyed that you have been corrected, but I promise this will build a bridge not cause more tension. More tension means more stress, means more criticism and so the cycle goes.  Most people just get frustrated, offended and move on. Doing this builds a stronger connection for you both.

This takes practice, so for now if all you can grasp is please don’t take it personally then do that! Resources are coming that will help you to develop the skills you need to deal with those difficult conversations and situations.

For example, our popular workshop “Becoming and Enlightened Communicator” will soon be available as an online course for you to do in your own time! Exciting times are ahead everyone!!

Until then, be patient with each other. When something is not working look for the answer other than a personal angle. It is usually not about us, I know it’s hard to believe but really it isn’t.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.


Kylie Warry



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