misunderstood

The Playful and Influencing Communicator And Emotion

11:01 am

rba1_03The Playful and Influencing Communicator and emotion.  Let’s just go back and be re acquainted with the lovely Influencing style.

The Playful and Influencing style is one that is warm, fun and engaging.  These guys are all about relationship and having fun.  If you know someone with this style they can range from warm and friendly to zany and the life of the party.

This style does not care so much for organisation, rules, processes, work – it is simply not exciting or fun enough.  As you can imagine, if you work with this style and don’t understand them, you could be having some frustrations.  These guys are very good at motivating and energising people to do the work, not necessarily doing the work themselves.

The most common emotion these guys show is Optimism.  They are very friendly and trusting.  Something they need to be aware of because not every one deserves their trust.

This Playful and Influencing style is all about recognition and are very much about people.  So if someone hurts them, it can cut deeply.  They may not show it though as they usually have so many options, they will quickly move onto the next friendship crucial.

This can actually have a stronger affect on the people in their lives who feel left out.  Don’t take it personally if your Influencing friend is there one minute and gone the next.  They do care, they just need to socialise to stay alive, it is truly like their oxygen.

The Playful and Influencing Communicator really has no idea how fickle they can seem when they move onto something new.  They truly do not mean to hurt your feelings.  So if you ever feel like this, it is important to share with them openly and kindly how you feel.  It is crucial to be kind, they need a warm friendly style of feedback.

When this style is understood they make such great friends and teammates, when misunderstood they can seem selfish and self-centered.  Like all of the styles, we need to understand the differences and work on how we can best unite to bring out the best in all of us.  We all bring something special and unique to the work and home environments.

If you are a Playful and Influencing Communicatorand you feel like sometimes you are misunderstood, why not learn more about your strengths and how others may perceive you?  It is such a great investment in yourself.  You can learn more by reading “The Enlightened Communicator”.  It can be purchased here.  Also keep an eye out for a new service we are introducing shortly on how to understand your style.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

The Powerful and Direct Communicator And Emotion

11:00 am

chat_guys_w640The Powerful and Direct Communicator and emotion.  Let’s just go back and be re acquainted with the lovely Direct style.

Remembering the basics is important.  Firstly; we all have different communication styles.  They are a combination of task or people focused and then outgoing or reserved.

Powerful and Direct styles are action based, outgoing, task focused, results oriented and for the rest of the population they can be quite challenging.  If this is your style however, chances are you are not even aware of the effect you can have on others.

This person is motivated by the challenge, they love to solve problems can be highly competitive and extremely strong willed.  If you want something done, give to this person.  However be aware, they may leave bruises.

These guys really have no idea how straight down the line, no fuss, in your face they can be.  To the average person they can come off at times as aggressive, even like a bully.  Sadly this is not their intent at all.  They are just after the result and if people get in the way, then that’s where the damage can occur.

As for emotion, this style does not readily show emotion, with the exception of ANGER.  They still feel sadness, fear, worry, frustration, guilt, joy – all of these, but may not let you in.  They are too busy chasing down their goals and getting RESULTS.

The Powerful and Direct Communicator needs to be careful of not taking care of themselves emotionally.  They may not get much support because they don’t appear to need it. That being said, of course they do, they are just like the rest of us.

This is my strongest style and I have experienced over and over and over….. I can come across as soooo efficient, and I am not great at asking for help so I tend to do it myself, or seemingly bark orders.  It’s just me being focused and efficient, not rude as it may sound.

When it comes to getting things done, I need help too and need to ask for help, but I am not great at this.  I am practicing, it has become a necessity.

Powerful and Direct styles may offend and may get worn out as it does seem like they need no one and are super able to get stuff done.  Yes they are incredibly efficient but they too need help and support. Even the strong ones need support.

If this is you, or someone you know, be aware of this inability to ask for help, learn to accept that even you need help at times.  Hey, you may even get MORE DONE!!  Please don’t be offended if they appear aggressive, this is their focused business, efficient voice speaking, they don’t mean to sound so harsh.

If you are a Powerful and Direct Communicator and you feel like sometimes you are misunderstood, why not learn more about your strengths and how others may perceive you?  It is such a great investment in yourself.  You can learn more by reading “The Enlightened Communicator”.  It can be purchased here.  Also keep an eye out for a new service we are introducing shortly on how to understand your style.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

When the GPS makes a mistake

4:10 pm

Recently I was driving to a seminar in the evening. It had been a busy day and I had performed a minor miracle getting out of the house, having prepped dinner for the family then got my self out before 530.

I was driving to a place I had never been to before and was relying on my trusty GPS. Approaching major and very busy intersection, the GPS asked me to get into the far right lane for a right turn at lights. I obliged (which is unusual for me but I did it). Once I arrived at the lights in the far right, the GPS decides to flash a few Questions marks “???” and then tells me to go straight ahead.

The amount of traffic that had hemmed me in by this stage meant there was no way this was going to happen. I felt myself become quite angry and I was about to start telling this GPS what I really thought when I remembered that remaining calm would serve me better than losing it right now.  I know, another miracle!

I turned right and kept on driving waiting for the GPS to recalibrate and set me back on course. A few minutes later she did so, and I eventually arrived safely.

My point? Even GPS’s make mistakes, remaining calm and allowing time for recalibration is always a better option than chucking a complete wobbly. I arrived on time, I was not stressed out of my tree and my GPS lives to make a mistake another day.

Even in our relationships when things go awry, stay calm, look ahead and believe in a positive outcome …… even if it seems so far away. This type of response will serve you much better than an angry, closed minded emotional reptilian brain on full speed.

When you respond this way, others will be thinking, “Crikey, they kept it together”, you will be a light in the dark and be remembered as the calm “go to” person in times of trouble.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

Have a GPS mentality

9:38 am

I am always encouraging you guys to have a go at a difficult conversation, to try something new. To speak up! This is so hard for so many of you and unless you try and try again things will never change.

Trying new things requires you to be kind and patient with yourselves. One thing I teach in training sessions is for you to have a GPS mentality when it comes to your mistakes.

If you are like me you have an ongoing discussion with the GPS, she suggests the way and I go what way think is right, typical strong D! However, even if my way is not right (Heaven forbid!) what does my lovely GPS lady do? She simply resets and says “at the next possible opportunity turn right.”

She does not berate me, tell me I’m stupid or say “Geez you did it again, you always think you’re right and look at you, you stuffed it again!”

Nope, with a calm tone she repeats, “at the next possible opportunity turn right.” Even stranger, she keeps doing this no matter how many mistakes I make.

What does your self-talk do? Are you like the calm GPS or the berating version?  I know which one most of you are like 🙁

When you are practicing something new there are guaranteed to be some clunky moments. Times where you say or do the wrong thing, over react or simply go blank. It’s all ok. Just breathe, smile to yourself, congratulate yourself for having a go and then reset; like the GPS

If we could all approach our learning and our mistakes like this what a wonderful world it would be.

So have a go, have that difficult chat, give that person some well intended and needed feedback, tell some one how you feel, say “No” if you need to and then ensure you congratulate yourself no matter what the result.

Then next time it will go just a little smoother, you will begin to feel more confident and before you know it, you are being authentic and honest in your communication with others.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Top 5 Communication Mistakes #3

11:29 pm

3: Misinterpreting the message

Misinterpretation, like all miscommunication can occur similar to a slide rule; from small and non-life threatening to huge and life threatening.  For example the barista who mistakenly gives you a full fat latte when you asked for light; to the child crossing the road independently and hears “Go” instead of “No!!”

I heard a comedian recently talking about how does it happen that he goes to the hairdresser and asks for a particular style and somewhere between communicating that idea and the end result he leaves looking like a strange beetle – not what he had in mind….. I think I’ve been to that salon before!

You interpret a message and communication through your own lens, a lens shaped by your genetics, your communication and personality, past experience, emotions and mood that day.  There are quite a few filters.  It’s a bit like when you are in a bad mood in the car and someone toots the horn.  Some of us, (not naming names) may get quite aggressive and start waving our arms and abusing the driver, thinking they were having a go at us.  When in all likelihood it could have been someone saying “Hi” to someone else that they saw and knew.

It’s important to be aware of the “lens” we all have and how it impacts on our perspective of things.  When you are unsure, ask questions until you are clear on the message.  NEVER ASSUME, it can get you into so much trouble.

Next time we will look at the fourth of the top 5 communication mistakes made everyday. If you have found this helpful please share it with someone who would benefit.

For tips, free resources and information on our upcoming Master class “The Art Of Difficult Conversations” check out our website at www.teamology.com.au

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

 

 

 

Ever Avoided a Difficult Conversation?

7:17 pm

Have you ever avoided a difficult conversation, put something off, hoped in vain things would improve and they haven’t?  Perhaps then you may have found yourself stuck thinking how do I bring it up now, its been so long!

I was spending some time recently with a lovely person who was speaking about a relationship they were in. They were explaining that they felt taken for granted, that the partner no longer helped out as they had in the past and in fact had laid even more expectation onto them.

I listened patiently for a long while hearing many examples of how this person had been slowly and surely taken for granted and swallowed up by the pressure they now felt to complete all of these “responsibilities.

The weight that they fell upon their shoulders was tangible. Eventually I asked gently, “Have you spoken to them, do they know how you feel?” The response was immediate, “Oh No I couldn’t possibly I am not a fighter.”

 I probed again, “Why do you say fight? I asked if you had told them how you feel.”

They were now perplexed, they were not able to see this conversation going any other way than a huge fight. Now why is this?

One reason is resentment. This conversation should have ideally occurred many many months earlier when things started to change for the worse. But it did not. The person perhaps felt that things would improve, or that they just did not want to rock the boat, after all it was only a small change. In short they avoided it.

As time progressed and things in the relationship declined as they tend to do, the pressure began to increase and along with it the growing resentment. As resentment grows so do very powerful and negative emotions. We begin to tell ourselves all sorts of stories such as “They don’t care about me”, “I mean nothing to them”, etc etc

These stories then start to become your truth and if you are not careful they strongly affect how you relate to the other person. When in truth the other party may have no idea how you really feel and how much the change has negatively affected you.

As resentment and avoidance grows you begin to catastrophise and imagine this huge fight because it would have to be a huge fight because you feel so angry. In fact you are like a volcano ready to erupt.

In truth, what has happened is that your partner has relaxed a little too much. We are all guilty of this at times and need a little correction from our loved ones. Resentment, worry and anxiety are not the only negatives that come from avoidance. All this from a conversation you put off to the point that it has now become a difficult conversation, only because emotionally you have so much to say.

My encouragement, speak sooner, with love and respect. Ask more than assume such as “ You used to help me with dinner but you’ve stopped why is that? Are you Ok?” This is much more effective than turning into a ranting lunatic 12 months down the track who is screaming toxically at their partner spewing up every thing wrong they have ever done.

If you struggle with speaking up, with raising issues, with putting in boundaries for yourself you are not alone!   You can learn some really simple and powerful strategies here at our upcoming Master Class in November 2014  (“The Art of Difficult Conversations).  This Masterclass will empower you to be able to deal more effectively with such situations both at work and personally.

Here is the link https://teamology.com.au/courses/madc/ if you are keen to make this positive change in your life. Don’t put it off any longer; you deserve the freedom that speaking up for yourself brings.

 

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Understanding the Playful and Influencing Communicator …

11:35 am

The Playful and Influencing communicator is one that is warm, fun and engaging.  These guys are all about relationship and having fun.  If you know someone with this style they can range from warm and friendly to zany and full of life, the life of the party.

This style does not care so much for organisation, rules, processes, work – it is simply not colourful or fun enough.  As you can imagine, if you work with this style and don’t understand them, you could be having some frustrations.  These guys are very good at motivating and energising people to do the work, not necessarily doing the work themselves.

I am surrounded by the playful and influencing style, I think it is because I am so driven and full of order and work that I need help to lighten up.  My son is a high “I” and he will often grab me when I am in the middle of working just to tell me a joke or get me to watch a silly cartoon.  He brings so much laughter into my life.

As you may imagine if I am focused and trying to get work done I can get quite frustrated with his attempts at humour.  However, I have since grown to appreciate the colour and life that he brings to our relationship, without his humour breaks it would be all work and no play!

When this style is understood they make such great friends and teammates, when misunderstood they can seem selfish and self-centred.  Like all of the styles we need to understand the differences and work on how we can best unite to bring out the best in all of us.  We all bring something special and unique to the work and home environments.

If you are a Playful and Influencing communicator and are struggling, checkout our resources page or contact us with your specific questions.  If your team is struggling to understand you, or you are having trouble learning how to give difficult feedback or deal with conflict then check out our resources.  Perhaps you have these skills, but your team may need to learn skills such as assertive communication, giving succinct messages and dealing effectively with conflict.   For training to learn more about your style, your strengths and how to get the most out of your workplace and relationships visit www.teamology.com.au

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Have you ever been misunderstood?

1:03 am

Have you ever been misunderstood?  Surely, I am not the only one?

When you miscommunicate you have been misunderstood.  Your impact has not matched your intent.  This can be simple and easily fixed but can also have devastating consequences.

Miscommunication is simply when your message has not been interpreted as you intended.  For example, you may say, “I would like the chicken please” and end up with the Tofu.  This actually happened to me at an amazing Thai restaurant.  I was eating my meal thinking “Wow this is the softest, squarest chicken I have ever had” when it was pointed out to me that I had Tofu.  Luckily this was not a life threatening miscommunication!   Also lucky for me as I may not have ever tried Tofu, and I really like it!

How many of you have ever miscommunicated??? (At this time you should all have a hand raised, because I would dare to say all of us do every day!)  Now I trust I have not offended anyone because firstly if you hadn’t miscommunicated why are you reading this blog??  Oh yeah it’s for your friend…

Additionally, if you truly haven’t miscommunicated either you have never had contact with another human or you are in complete denial!  Sorry but that’s the truth…

Misunderstanding stems from the simple fact that people are different.  Were you aware for example that each of us are unique and see the world from a different perspective?  Yes, there are trends and ways to group “types of people” and also different communication styles.

For example you may be a “talker” and the person you are trying to talk with is more “reserved and withdrawn”.  As a “talker” it is common to assume that everyone else is as comfortable with talking as you are.  You start to chat with the more quiet reserved person who doesn’t give you much back.  A few common misunderstandings can begin to occur.  Firstly, you may talk too much because you are not getting a response.  This will inevitably shut down the quiet person even more.  Or you may feel offended like the person does not like you.  In your mind if they liked you they would talk.

The reality is that they are “different” to you, neither is right or wrong, just different.  Each of us has different needs when it comes to communicating, and over coming editions we will go onto more details about the different styles.

 

Perhaps you tare wondering why your colleagues won’t approach you or work with you.  You may have even been told to get help. For support and training to learn more about your style and how to get the most out of your relationships visit www.teamology.com.au

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.