Help!! Why do I do that???

Help!!! Why do I do that??? This is a very common question I am asked.  As a speaker, trainer and consultant many times people say, “why do I do this?  Why do I talk too much?  Why am I so pushy? Why do I avoid people?  Why am I such a perfectionist?”

Being completely honest everyone has something they do that baffles them.  It may not have originated as an issue for you but it has surfaced in your relationships.  Whether at work or home, it causes you issues, pain, frustration.  Perhaps you have been told at work that you need to speak up and you just don’t know how.

Perhaps you have been told you can be selfish and when you hear this you are really confused because you really care about people and want to be liked.  Perhaps you have been told you are controlling and you think you are being helpful.

These are all valid concerns – each of another or us at one time or another has gotten less than positive results when we have been connecting with others.  Whether you have felt misunderstood, ignored, judged, baffled by the response of others, all of these experiences hurt.  Really hurt.  Each time you are hurt you are more likely to recoil and not try again.

Slowly but surely a gap forms.  This gaps grows and becomes harder and harder to close.  Soon you may feel unsure of how to connect with certain people, fearing a similar outcome.  You may avoid certain people or situations at work.  Perhaps you are not progressing through the ranks or accepting more responsibility due to this fear.   Perhaps you have lost a friendship or didn’t get that new job.

You are living beneath your potential!

How would you like to know what makes you tick and why you do what you do?  How would you like to know how to use these strengths to improve your relationships????

Amazing huh?  It’s so easy to do, you just first need to understand yourself and how to get the most from your strengths.  If you can relate to this and would like to know what you can do please check out our website for resources, training and encouragement.  You deserve to get that promotion, that new job, more responsibility, to be able to speak up and to say ‘No”.

At Teamology we are completely committed to your success so join us and learn more about your strengths as a communicator and maximise your unique potential.  Please share this with anyone you feel may be encouraged or may need some support.  Check us out on Facebook if you haven’t already and join our encouraging community.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Have you ever been misunderstood?

Have you ever been misunderstood?  Surely, I am not the only one?

When you miscommunicate you have been misunderstood.  Your impact has not matched your intent.  This can be simple and easily fixed but can also have devastating consequences.

Miscommunication is simply when your message has not been interpreted as you intended.  For example, you may say, “I would like the chicken please” and end up with the Tofu.  This actually happened to me at an amazing Thai restaurant.  I was eating my meal thinking “Wow this is the softest, squarest chicken I have ever had” when it was pointed out to me that I had Tofu.  Luckily this was not a life threatening miscommunication!   Also lucky for me as I may not have ever tried Tofu, and I really like it!

How many of you have ever miscommunicated??? (At this time you should all have a hand raised, because I would dare to say all of us do every day!)  Now I trust I have not offended anyone because firstly if you hadn’t miscommunicated why are you reading this blog??  Oh yeah it’s for your friend…

Additionally, if you truly haven’t miscommunicated either you have never had contact with another human or you are in complete denial!  Sorry but that’s the truth…

Misunderstanding stems from the simple fact that people are different.  Were you aware for example that each of us are unique and see the world from a different perspective?  Yes, there are trends and ways to group “types of people” and also different communication styles.

For example you may be a “talker” and the person you are trying to talk with is more “reserved and withdrawn”.  As a “talker” it is common to assume that everyone else is as comfortable with talking as you are.  You start to chat with the more quiet reserved person who doesn’t give you much back.  A few common misunderstandings can begin to occur.  Firstly, you may talk too much because you are not getting a response.  This will inevitably shut down the quiet person even more.  Or you may feel offended like the person does not like you.  In your mind if they liked you they would talk.

The reality is that they are “different” to you, neither is right or wrong, just different.  Each of us has different needs when it comes to communicating, and over coming editions we will go onto more details about the different styles.


Perhaps you tare wondering why your colleagues won’t approach you or work with you.  You may have even been told to get help. For support and training to learn more about your style and how to get the most out of your relationships visit

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.



So why do we miscommunicate?

So, why do we miscommunicate?? Our lives imprint on us, with each experience.  Good, bad or indifferent each if our experiences leave their mark.   Our lives become like a scrapbook with a theme; for example, you may think  “I am a well liked, confident person who makes good decisions”, or “I am worthless, people don’t care about me and I am alone”.   Two very opposing views but you get my point.

It is really important to understand this because our life theme and experiences colour each communication we have.  This is our frame of reference.  It is your reality and is difficult to change especially if you are not even aware of it!  The more “positive” or optimistic you are, the less likely you are to be offended by someone because a negative view does not match your internal story.  The same goes for the opposite, if you have a poor view of yourself then you may feel the need to defend yourself and that people attack you, when they are not. So, if you think everyone is out to get you then each communication will distort to fit your theme, your frame of reference.

The way you view the world will therefore affect and drive your response to everyday experiences.  I am being very simplistic here just to illustrate the point.  I raise that each person is far more complex than this in the big scheme of things. Your reactions, your mindset are coloured by your filter.  A really simple example of this is the translation when you are an optimist versus a pessimist.  This would translate simply to being a hopeful if you are an optimist and feeling hopeless if you are a pessimist. When you see the world differently to someone else it affects your perspective, your expectations and your assumptions.

A common example I have noticed is in a team environment when you have the “quiet” people versus the more “talkative” people.  I was working with a team recently and there was one team member who was so socially anxious he would not make eye contact or say “hello”.  In fact, he struggled so much that even if a colleague said “good morning” to him, he was unable to respond. His team mates responded to his behaviour with resentment.  They thought that he felt he was too good for them, that he was just plain rude.  This meant there was quite a tangible tension in this team.  This environment only made the relationship stress worse.

When in a workshop, this fellow was able to communicate that he is frightened to make eye contact and to even say “hello”, everything changed in his teams assumptions and expectations of him.  Their resentment changed to understanding and almost sorrow for him. With time, and trust building, he became more able to make eye contact with his colleagues and to say hello.  In fact, at the last workshop, he was a significant contributor to the discussion that was so great to see.

What is important for you to remember is that everyone has a story, and we all have our own struggles.  We all see the world in a unique way and we all want to connect and be valued.  So if you are not connecting with someone, if there is someone who is ticking you off or pushing your buttons, they may not be intentionally making your life difficult. It may simply be because they are wired differently to you.

In coming posts we will discover more about the different communication styles and what makes them tick.  You will relate more to a particular style and you will see traits from other styles in your colleagues, friends and family.  So sit back, relax and enjoy the journey.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.