How Your Communication DNA Can Affect Your Personal Relationships

Have you ever experienced poor communication in your personal relationships?  Have you ever had to walk away form a friendship or relationship because of communication breakdown.  I bet you have……. We all have.

One of the foundation problems is that most people do not know their needs as a Communicator, if you don’t know what you need how on earth can you ask for it?

Stress also changes how well you communicate so if you don’t understand your needs and are going through stress then your communication will suffer.  This is tragic as just when you need to be understood the most, your communication can fail you.

The best Communicators know what makes them tick, they know their Communication DNA, what makes them who they are, what makes them tick.

So, how can you understand you Communication DNA?  If Communication DNA is a new term for you, check out this video specifically about this concept, it will explain it fully for you.

This is the foundation skill we teach to Communicators that want to improve their ability to communicate personally in your friendships and romantic relationships.

Communication is not taught in schools, not at university, after a behavioural science and psychology degree I still did not know what my needs were as a communicator.

Where did you learn how to speak up? Apologise? Listen, give effective feedback, have a difficult conversation, motivate someone different from you, share your emotions?

If you don’t know your needs, then how can you know the needs of others?  You cannot give someone something you don’t have……  If you don’t have $5, you cannot give it to someone else, it is the same for understanding.

Personally we are attracted to the opposite communicator to us.  So if you are a reserved quiet communicator that craves harmony, you are more likely to be attracted to a driven loud, outspoken confident communicator.   Opposites attract.

People we have the least in common with as a communicator we choose to spend our life with.  Now this is wonderful when you understand the strengths and difference and see your differences as complimentary, but if you don’t understand each other, you are heading down a very painful road.

There are 4 Communication styles and we each have all four but have stronger preferences in 1 or more.  For example;

The Powerful Communicator is driven like to take control, they are seen as a driver and is motivated by results.

The Playful Communicator tells stories is distracted and gets easily bored. They are story tellers, use many words to explain a quick point, and are seen as a talker. They need to be liked.

The Patient Communicator is quiet, agrees even if they don’t agree, and will not get involved in any perceived conflict, they are seen as a observer.  They crave harmony.

 The Perfectionist Communicator is into details, can be outrageously organised loves to do lists and is a neat person.  They are seen as an analyser and need to be Right.

Just imagine the chaos when you don’t understand each other?  Particularly during a difficult time.

For example, if you are a Playful Communicator, you may begin to talk way too much, trying to be heard to be liked to be accepted.  If your partner is a Perfectionist (the opposite and who you are likely attracted to) you will become frustrated and critical, this will offend your playful mate and add to the chaos.  Neither of you understand the issue at heart or how to share your needs,  and the cycle of toxic unhelpful communication continues.

It is so common as we are not taught this is schools, many of us learnt this after having gone through a loss or trauma in our relationships.

Even as a Manager in a Business I still did not know my needs as a Communicator.  It took a workplace gossip session in the loo where I found my team on a character assassination all about me to begin to see that I was being misunderstood.  I have also gone through the very painful experience of divorce before I realised how my personal communication could really improve.

I have been there before, I have struggled, I have been misrepresented, confused people, offended people and not understood why until I understood my Communication DNA.

If you relate to this, what can you do?  Know your strengths and know the strengths of those on your team, learn what makes you who you are, what makes you tick, your strengths and challenges.


If you would like to understand yourself as a Communicator and learn your strengths then perhaps you may like to read The Enlightened Communicator, available for you to review at your own pace.

If you would like to know more about how to learn what your Communication DNA we can work with you to assist you to understand exactly what it is that makes you tick.  We can also help you understand what makes others tick and how to get the best out of your relationships.  Interested? You can get more information here.

You can also get in touch via our website, and Facebook so please join the conversation, we would love to hear from you!


Until next time, Care Connect and be a Conscious Communicator

Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

5 Tips to Improve Your Marriage – stop the insanity!

Relationships are complex!  They are filled with Humans, now can they not be?marriage

We get married to spend the rest of our lives in wedded bliss.  What happens when you look up 2 years later and the person you are married to has morphed into someone who drives you nuts?

The rate of divorce in Australia is close to 50%, but no one stands at the altar and says “I do,” thinking soon they will decide “Oops – no I don’t!”  It does not have to be this way.

Here are my tops tips on better communication in your marriage

# 1: Knowing your intention before you communicate

Intention means purpose, know what you want before you open your mouth. Is it to encourage? To apologise?  To clarify? What is your intention?

 # 2: Give the benefit of the doubt

Kindness is necessary, after all we are all Human, we make mistakes.  Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe they forgot the anniversary of the first time you got take away together.  It doesn’t mean they don’t love you.  Perhaps they have a lot on their plate at the moment.  They need understanding not a lecture or a sulking spouse.

# 3: Stop misinterpretation in its tracks

Creating a safe place to be yourself is necessary in your marriage.  You got married because you felt this person truly understood you.  So don’t stop now!  If you are confused by your partners behavior ask questions, clarify, please do not assume!

# 4: Understand your Communication DNA

Each of us has different styles of communication, this is what I call your Communication DNA.  To learn more about this here

In order understand others you must first understand yourself, what makes you tick, why you do what you do.  Then the next step is to understand your spouse as a Communicator too.  You usually find that you marry your opposite.  This leads to wonderful complimentary traits but can drive you crazy when you don’t understand this.

# 5: Not knowing your own communication style and strength

Each of us has our own unique style and strength as a Communicator.  You may be direct, a natural decision maker, or perhaps you are charming and influencing, perhaps you are a natural listener or maybe you love details and understanding why?

Understanding yourself means you will be really clear on what makes you tick, then you are able to understand what makes other tick.

From here it is possible to create a communication centered marriage that will have love and intimacy soaring and happiness abounding.  If you would like to know how to create this type of marriage then get in touch here.  Don’t put it off, you deserve to experience better communication.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Conscious Communicator

Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.