healthy friendships

Common excuses for not connecting

4:06 pm

I hear excuses all the time from people about why they don’t connect with others.  Hopefully you’ve been reading our last two posts about the importance of great friendships. If you haven’t read them please go to part 1 and then part 2.

Here are some common excuses I have heard from people about why they aren’t connected with others and what my response to them is.

You don’t like to burden people. This is a poor excuse and being connected to the right people means they will only love you more. Think about how you feel when you’re supporting friends, this is a very helpful and healthy relational behaviour. It feels good.

 You should be able to do this by yourself. That’s not how the universe runs. It runs on relationship and support, not self-sufficiency. If you knew how to solve this problem you would have done already. Why do so many of you feel this need to solve the problems of the world alone. Besides people love to help, let them, it’s is very empowering.

Your’e  embarrassed by the problems that you face. Most people think they need to be perfect and never had a problem. In reality we all face many complex issues and we shouldn’t get embarrassed when we raise our hand and ask for the help. In fact, asking for help is the smartest thing you can do. If you are in problem-ville, raise your hand and catch the first bus out!

 You have problems trusting. If you struggle with how to build trust then check out our post on that topic by clicking here you can make this a priority and allow others to help you learn how to trust. If you have trouble trusting I am sure it is affecting all of your relationships. You surely have a good reason to be wary but when you heal and move forward learning to trust again is a big part of this process.

Your’e  too busy. The more you put your head in the sand about a problem or issue you’re facing the more control your situation will become and the larger the stress will become. The sooner you prioritise what ever is keeping you awake at night the sooner you will sleep peacefully.

You don’t know where to find the kind of people that I’m talking about. You’re able to find personal and supportive relationships in many places for example a healthy church, support groups, people from work, people from community groups sporting clubs, friends of friends if you’re open to healthy friendships you will find the right people. The best way to gain a great friend is to be a great friend.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

The signs of great friendships – Pt 2

10:09 am

What are the signs of great friendship?  At Teamology we are always talking about the benefits of great connections or friendships. Great communication leads to great connections. If you had a great connection or friendship do you know what it looks like?

I believe we were designed to be in relationship, and connections are necessary for us to survive and thrive in life. You know what you are looking out for I decided to share some characteristics of great connections. If you have not read Part 1 and would like to, please read it here

In Part 2 we will be covering two more components of great connections. The first being Guidance.

Guidance, involves being connected with mature and wise people who have been down many of life’s roads.

In life you will face many situations that require decisions that don’t have a simple answer. When you are connected to mature people who have grace and who you identify with, you will naturally lean into their guidance.

This is where you are able to share new ideas and advice solutions and brainstorm together thus bringing guidance and wisdom about your difficulties or struggles. Such friendships are always willing to share authentically with you.

For example, I was recently speaking with a parent who said to me I may need to speak with my son about some of the comments he was making on social media.  I was unaware of these comments and was full of gratitude that she alerted me to this issue.  My son had not said anything to me. My friend advised she had noticed he was making some comments that may have meant he was having a hard time.  She had noted it through her son (friends with my son)  who had mentioned his concerns to her.  This allowed me to connect with my son, find out what he was going through and support him.

I was really impressed that this parent had been so willing to share with me. This allowed me to solve a problem that was really affecting my son and many of those in his world.  How many times have we noticed something and said nothing? Or thought, “they must know what is going on.”  I am so glad she reached out.

Finally the last component of great connections is reality. It’s really important to be connected with people that keep you grounded and centred in reality. Whenever you are going through difficult times it is easy to lose your compass and grounded people help to stabilise you.

I was speaking recently with a colleague who shared with me that they had been struggling with a very difficult situation at work. They did not feel supported by their manager and sales that there were unrealistic expectations being placed on them.

Over a cup of coffee we spoke about some strategies she could put in place to let her Manager know how she felt, what she was capable of getting through and what was unrealistic for her to do at this time. We also made sure that she was able to explain her achievements to her Manager and also explain what was stopping her from full productivity.

Armed with this information she felt so much more empowered to do something about his situation rather than feeling helpless and hopeless. I explained to my friend that in most situations her manager was likely unaware of what was going on and how she was feeling. The first thing to do is to ensure that her manager has relevant information and knows how she is feeling.

Many times as our stress builds we forget that people do not know what is going on internally for us. We begin to assume, and as we do this our communication gets more and more off-track.

Find people who will give you reality people who aren’t black-and-white thinkers and who don’t pretend that they have the answer for every problem.  People like this who live in reality can live with conflict, failure and pain as these are normal part of our human existence. Next time you are in the middle of a crisis and can’t think past the next 10 minutes phone a friend who will be real with you give you a fresh and helpful perspective.

Keep an eye out for our next post which will cover the most common excuses we use for not being well connected.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.