How to Say Sorry When You Have Stuffed Up

Ok, so you’ve stuffed up, you’ve really done it this time and you need to apologise.  It is so critical to know how to apologise well, because a bad apology will only magnify the damage.

Anyone ever receive a bad or empty apology?  I am sure you can remember exactly how it went down like it was yesterday.  I can think of one just a couple of weeks back.  I raised an issue with a service provider and their response was “I’m sorry you feel this way.”   That was it!

Man I was angry, I felt completely dismissed.  It only added fuel to the fire.  To avoid this scenario it is important to know your communication style (or DNA) so you know what works best for you.  If this is a new concept for you; you can learn about Communication DNA here.

If you are more of a task person it can be easy to miss the relational side to an apology that is critical.  People need to feel heard.  For example, this awful apology I received was from a task-focused person.  What they needed to do to improve it is add some people factor

“I’m sorry you feel this way.  Tell me how you feel and what I can do to improve things”

 If you are more of a people focused person you may need to be careful of missing the point of the apology and blabbing on too much, for example you could say

“I’m so sorry this happened, I didn’t mean it blah blah blah”……. (2 hours later). You need to ensure you don’t make it all about the feelings and get some facts on what went wrong so you can sort it out.  For example

“ I’m so sorry this happened, tell me what we can do to improve your experience”

The next thing is to ensure you apologise as soon as possible.  Yes, you need to be prepared ad know what it is you are apologizing for, but don’t take too long.  The person you offended is hurting, confused and needs to hear from you.  Don’t let a spirit of resentment grow.

Finally to ensure your apology lands where you want it to and has maximum impact you need to mean it.  Really, you need to really be sorry.  You can all smell a fake miles away so don’t be fake.

If you have a story or experience to share, please do!  If you have a question then please get in touch.  Keep your eyes open for an opportunity to learn your Communication DNA through our upcoming online course.  We are so excited to share this with you!

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Conscious Communicator

Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Why does that person drive me crazy???

“Why does that person drive me crazy?”  This is a common question I get asked as a Trainer, Speaker and Mentor, there are others too.  I often get other questions like, “Why do they do things like that?  The right way to do this is….  The best way to do this is…….  If you knew what you were doing you would do it this way…..”  Many of you work in environments that require you to work with other people.

These people are very different to you, yes?  Have you ever stopped to think that this can actually be an opportunity to unite and conquer, rather than separate and destroy?

When dealing with others you may have felt misunderstood, ignored, judged, hurt by the response of others, or just confused.  All of these experiences hurt.  Really hurt.  Each time you are hurt you are more likely to recoil and not try again.

Slowly but surely a gap forms.  At Teamology we call it a “Communication Gap.”  This gaps grows and becomes harder and harder to close.  Soon you may feel unsure of how to connect with certain people, fearing a similar outcome.  You may avoid certain people or situations at work.  Perhaps you are not progressing through the ranks or accepting more responsibility due to this fear.   Perhaps you just don’t know how to say ‘No” and the stress is piling up.

You are living beneath your potential!

Did you know, that every person has their own set of strengths.  Yes they do things differently to you and this can be challenging.  However you do need to be able to work well with others.  How would you like to be able to see this problem in a different light?  Would it be helpful to be able to work more efficiently and enjoyably with others in your team?

If you are a Manager would be help if you could bring out the best in each of your staff even though they are all so different?  A one size fits all approach really does not work anymore.  It never really did…….So what do you do?  Imagine if you knew how to easily and effortlessly bring out the best in your team?  It is possible.

If you are struggling with others at work, in your team or in your personal world, there is no doubt this is a really hard place to be.

How would you like to know what makes others tick, why they do what they do?  Additionally how would you like to know how to use these strengths to improve your relationships??  Or get better results??

Amazing huh?  It’s so easy to do, you just first need to understand yourself and how to get the most from your strengths.  If you can relate to this and would like to know what you can do please check out our website for resources, training and encouragement.  You deserve to get that promotion, that new job, more responsibility, to be able to speak up and to say ‘No”.

At Teamology we are completely committed to your success so join us and learn more about your strengths as a communicator and maximise your unique potential.  Please share this with anyone you feel may be encouraged or may need some support.  Check us out on Facebook if you haven’t already and join our encouraging community.  We are also hosting an event in the next few weeks that we will share soon.. So watch this space!

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Your Communication in Strength and in Stress

Did you know that your Communication in Strength and in Stress can be quite different?  If you have read this blog for any length of time you will know by now that we all have different preferences for Communication.

There is the Powerful and Direct Communicator who is all about Results. They need big picture, bullet points and Control. They show anger, make quick decisions are usually very impatient and talk loud and fast. They say things like, “give it to me now,” they will tap their foot with impatience if something is too slow for them and they walk with purpose.

There is the Playful and Influencing Communicator who wants Recognition, they want to be liked and to be the centre of attention. They show warmth, they are fun and overly talkative. They will often say things like “I have an idea!” but will rarely follow through. They are always making jokes and trying to make someone laugh.

The Patient and Steady Communicator just wants harmonious Relationships. They want us all to get along. They need stability, consistency and support.   They are such supportive people themselves, they are always listening to others and trying to quietly make a difference. They are quiet don’t really show emotion and are the quiet achievers. Of you ask them a question they will answer “whatever you think” they don’t like to make decisions.

Finally you have the Perfect and Conscientious Communicators. These Guys just want things to be Right they are structured, love detail, love systems and pride themselves on being highly efficient and organised. These guys are perfectionistic tend to worry and will say things like “let’s get it right” or “that’s not the rule.”

As you may see we are all quite different. We tend to Communicate according to our preferences which is confusing to someone who has different preferences. However, I also wanted to highlight another important fact.

When things are great and you are in cruise mode you tend to communicate out of your strengths. When you are stressed you tend to communicate out of your weaknesses. Unfortunately this only makes the Communication gap wider and adds to the tension everyone is experiencing.

Under tension or stress for example, The Powerful and Direct Communicator gets even more demanding, pushy and obstinate. Yes they want results but this behaviour will not get them and so the tension grows.

The Playful and Influencing Communicator in stress only wants to be liked and tends to talk even more making them seem gabby and self centred. This certainly does not help them to build relationships and get recognition, adding to their stress.

The Patient and Steady Communicator tends to shut down under stress. They show very little emotion and may come across and cold and uncaring which is the exact opposite to what they feel inside. As you may imagine this only adds to the stress and conflict which makes them shut down even further.

Lastly the Patient and Conscientious Communicator becomes highly critical, systematised to the point of rigidity and nit picky when stressed. This means that people tend to avoid them, which does not help them in their quest for things to be perfect.

This is a very small snapshot of how stress can affect each Communication style and why tension in the workplace can be so damaging. Just imagine for a moment if this is your workplace and this is where you spend the majority of your time. On top of this you are expected to produce results to ensure your job continues to exist.

When working with teams under stress the first thing we always do is help team members to learn their strengths. We then help them to understand how to see the strengths in others and finally we teach them about the different Communication preferences so they can adapt their message and be better understood each and every time.  

So, if you relate to this scenario please take a step back and see which Communication style you relate to. If you need more information you can always take a look at “The Enlightened Communicator” as this will help you to understand each of the styles in more detail.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.