dealing with conflict

Are you struggling with a Perfectionist?

4:23 pm

Are you a perfectionist, or do you know one? In terms of the Communication Styles, the ‘Perfectionist’ style is the one who is most likely to struggle with this trait. If you live with, work with or love a perfectionist, you may be relating already.  This is a trait that I have struggled with for many years so I feel very comfortable sharing here.

 

Let me refresh your memory, the Perfectionist Communicator is all about procedures, processes and perfection.  They love detail and also want to be right.  These Communicators will correct grammar, spelling mistakes or your facts in conversation.

 

This style loves compliance. By compliance we mean working to a system or order, not compliant.  Particularly to your own system or order however this style will work to someone else’s system or process if they agree with it, or if they see it as correct.

 

This communication style is all about getting things right, EXACTLY Right.  If you know someone with this style they are more reserved and task focused.  They are great at details, probably love stationary (known from personal experience) and are highly organised in many ways.

 

What can make a Perfectionist Communicator Difficult?  Their need for perfection is a real struggle, why?  Because outside of very isolated incidences perfection just does not exist, especially if you are Human…..  So you will never reach the expectations of perfection.  How relaxing.  This Communicator can also get caught up in detail which can lead to procrastination as things cannot be finished until it is perfect.  Which it will never be…..

 

These guys are fearful of their work being criticised, how could they not be when perfection is their benchmark?  However, beware of criticising their work as they put a lot of effort into it being right.  It hurts them intensely if they are corrected, especially if it is not done gently.

 

If you are working with someone with this style they will love details, if you challenge their facts you will need to provide statistical backup because they do know their stuff.  I know one Perfectionist Communicator who reads the Australian Taxation website for fun (I have a headache just thinking about that).  They prefer a quiet and consistent work environment where any changes are explained, where they can be some type of technical or information expert.

 

So perfectionism is a big deal to these guys. REALLY. I know this because this is my second strongest trait and in testing I scored 87%.  This has long been held as a negative trait however; it can depend on your definition. In the negative it can stifle progress because you are expecting something unrealistic.  It can cause paralysis and anxiety beyond description.  It can mess with expectations both in there workplace and at home.

 

So how can we view this positively?  

 

The Greek definition is “a continual journey toward maturity.”   Now this is not how I have used it, or how I would described myself when I am perplexed because something won’t look or fit the way I want it too.   However, I would be a better human if this were my definition.

 

So to any one else out there who is brave enough to say that you have struggled with perfectionism either in yourself or expecting it form other lets change how we see it.  We can all benefit from this definition of a continual journey toward maturity – I say bring it on!

 

So if you are struggling for outcomes with one of these communicators here are some tips;

 

To help them deal with perfection the key is gentle support, they do not respond to harsh, blunt or pushy communication.  Hey work really well with big picture thinkers so that their detailed mind can compensate well with the big vision.  Support to keep their expectations realistic is always helpful as well as encouragement and praise for their strengths as they may get stuck on what is not working.

 

The most important thing for these guys is to be supported, for their expertise to be noted and acknowledged to have a diplomatic and reserved response.  They are not touchy feely like the Playful and Patient Communicator.  So keep it more business like.

 

Do not keep avoiding an issue if you have one; that is not the answer.  The first step may be to understand yourself a little more and to do that you can uncover your Communication strengths, style and struggles with our online course.  It costs as much a takeaway pizza, so it is well worth it!  You can find out more  here.

 

Until next time, Connect, Care and be a Conscious Communicator.

Let’s change our world for the better, one conversation at a time.

Feeling stressed in Your Business?

10:44 am

As a Business owner I am sure you can relate to the idea of Stress.  Stress can come from many places, working long hours, poor cash flow, staff issues, too much work, feeling like you are doing everything yourself, tension in your personal life, feeling like there is not enough of you to go around.

Unfortunately, stress is one of those things that you simply cannot afford to ignore.  Stress simply does not go away through ignoring it; in fact it grows!

We have spoken many times about the cost of poor communication.  It has been shown in research to cost up to 32% of profit.  For a business making $500K pa, this is $160K, that’s not small change.

So you have a business and there are issues, perhaps management is not perceived as approachable, perhaps there is relational tension as different staff clash with each other, perhaps staff don’t feel valued or understood.

Gallup found that 95% of staff will leave a job due to problems with either their boss or co workers.  This is that relational stuff they feel just can’t be solved.

The sad thing is that many times they either haven’t tried, because they believe it won’t change anything, or they don’t have the skills to have these hard conversations.  We have all been there, it just feels too hard and we believe that the grass is greener on the other side.

Now it may be, but what happens when you come up against the same issues in a new workplace?  Isn’t it better to have the skills to deal with it when it happens again? It is not that difficult, I promise.

So, Poor communication costs the Business owner in many ways;

  • Low productivity
  • Poor engagement
  • Bad Customer service
  • Low Morale
  • Wasted time
  • Stress
  • A Leadership gap
  • Poor retention
  • The costs of new hire

I am surprised that the cost to business is not higher than 32%.  When you look at the list above it may surprise you too.  However, every business is different and will face a combination of the issues listed above.

Over coming posts we will tease out these issues and go deeper into how they may be affecting your business and what you can do about it.

The real cost of poor communication is hard to measure as many businesses don’t have measures in place to capture this.  From my perspective the most important thing is to understand the foundation cause of the issue.  For example if it is productivity, is it because staff don’t feel motivated, are not supported, are confused, are working without the resources they need, do not know what to do.  There are many layers and it is critical to understand what is going on so you can address it and fix the problem.

You go into business to kick goals, have some freedom, create a legacy, do what you love and make a difference so let’s make it happen!

We are here to resource you so that you can create the business of your dreams, kick those goals, create a highly productive team and future-proof your business.

If you have questions you can get in contact via our website or our Facebook page.   Don’t keep struggling alone, there are answers, there is support.  You can create a team that is productive and engaged and create a business that is profitable.  If you would like support to grow your business with a Communication Strategy unique to your needs you can get in touch or check out our online courses.

Until next time Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.

Let’s grow your business one conversation at a time.

The real cost of losing staff due to poor communication

7:00 am

What is the real cost of losing staff due to poor communication? 

So we have spoken many times about the cost of poor communication.  It has been shown in research to cost up to 32% of profit.  For a business making $500K pa, this is $160K, that’s not small change.

So you have a business and there are issues, perhaps management is not perceived as approachable, perhaps there is relational tension as different staff clash with each other, perhaps staff don’t feel valued or understood.

Gallup found that 95% of staff leave jobs due to problems with either their boss or co workers.  This is that relational stuff they feel just can’t be solved.

The sad thing is that many times they either haven’t tired, because they believe it wont change anything, or they don’t have the skills to have these hard conversations.  We have all been there, it just feels too hard and we believe that the grass is greener on the other side.

Now it may be, but what happens when you come up against the same issues in a new workplace?  Isn’t it better to have the skills to deal with it when it happens again? It is not that difficult, I promise.

One of the many costs is the costs of new hire.  Let’s look at this a little closer.  Perhaps you have the staff member who had all of that procedural knowledge that is not necessarily written down, all of that experience that cannot be quantified.  What happens if they leave?  All of that knowledge will be lost.  What price can you place on that?

Research estimates that on paper, the costs of losing a staff member can be between 16 and 20% of the salary of the person being replaced for low to medium positions.  For senior executive roles it can be as high as 213% (Zane Benefits, Small Business and HR)

 

Deloitte, found in some recent research that the true cost is much more when you consider;

 

  • The cost of hiring a new employee including the advertising, interviewing, screening, and hiring.  Not only this but the time it takes to find the right person.
  • Cost of on-boarding a new person including training and management time.
  • Lost productivity… it may take a new employee as much as 1-2 years to reach the productivity of an existing person.
  • Lost engagement… other employees who see high turnover tend to disengage and lose productivity.  As well as the rick you take when hiring, will the new person fit in.  Is the culture you have healthy?  It may not be.
  • Customer service and errors, for example new employees take longer and are often less able to solve problems.
  • If the new team member is entering a toxic workplace then stress levels will surely add to mistakes and communication issues
  • Training cost. For example, over 2-3 years a business likely invests 10-20% of an employee’s salary or more in training.  You don’t want to be in that position of just training them and then they leave…..
  • Cultural impact… Whenever someone leaves others take time to ask “why?”

The real cost of losing staff is hard to measure as many workplaces don’t have measures in place to capture this.  From my perspective the most important thing is to understand why the staff member left and to address any communication, staff or systemic issues that contributed to them leaving.

Until next time Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.

Let’s grow your business one conversation at a time. 

How To Disagree With Respect

9:00 am

All of us who hang out in workplaces would benefit from better communication.  Right?  When was the last time you can remember feeling misunderstood in conversation?  If you are like me it used to feel like most days….

How about respect?  Respect s all about having and showing regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others.  Having different needs as a Communicator can by default mean you come across as being disrespectful.

With Poor Communication costing business big time, up to 32% of profit.  That is a lot of money down the drain.  Understand the keys to better communication, knowing how to respect others and you can unlock a hidden profit centre in your business.

Each person in your workplace has a different Communication DNA, or different needs as a Communicator.

If Communication DNA is a new term for you, check out this video specifically about this concept, it will explain it fully for you.

If you are interested in taking the DNA test then get in contact with us.

 

Just to make it interesting, respect means different things to each Communication DNA style for example;

The Powerful Communicator is driven like to take control, they are seen as a driver and is motivated by results.  Respect for them means listening while they talk and not interrupting them.  They love to have input and a challenge.

 The Playful Communicator tells stories is distracted and gets easily bored. They are story tellers, use many words to explain a quick point, and are seen as a talker. They need to be liked.  Respect for these guys means listening and laughing at their stories.  They love space to be creative and energetic.

 The Patient Communicator is quiet, agrees even if they don’t agree, and will not get involved in any perceived conflict, they are seen as a observer.  They crave harmony.  To show respect it is about listening, not pushing them and giving them time.

 The Perfectionist Communicator is into details, can be outrageously organised loves to do lists and is a neat person.  They are seen as an analyser and need to be Right.  Respect is about not criticising their work, if there is a problem telling them privately and asking them for their opinion and ideas on planning and organising.

However, your workplace your business, will only benefit from your staff and team members learning to understand themselves and then others as Communicators and you will be well one your way to improving your Communication and productivity.

Adding to this how to show each other respect and you will see the team unite like never before.  Disrespect often occurs unintentionally.

For example, a workplace I trained to improve communication had to sales people, one a Powerful man the other Playful.  There was quite a bit of tension between the two and soon it became obvious to me why.

 What was happening was that the Powerful guy would speak and his co-worker the Playful one would get excited and jump in with his ideas.  Inadvertently the Playful Communicator was disrespecting his Powerful Colleague.

When it was made clear that the intention of the Playful guy was to help and that he was excited and wanted to contribute not disrespect then things began to shift in a positive direction.  The key was understanding intentions.  When you can get into someone else’s shoes, you can see the world briefly through their lens.

This is a very powerful way to de personalise any tension and get to the cause of the issue which is usually misunderstanding.  If you would like some help to shift some tense or negative relationships in amore helpful direction then why not consider having some coaching to uncover your Communication DNA, how this shows up for you, what your strengths are and how to adapt to the needs of others.

Are the people you work with motivated by Results? Recognition? Relationship or being Right?  For more information check out the article on Communication DNA

If you would like some help with this process then get in touch.  You and your relationships are worth it, end the confusion now, you will not regret it.

We have coaching programs that can teach you all you need to know about your Communication DNA and how to take your Communication to the next level.

You can also get in touch via our website, and Facebook so please join the conversation, we would love to hear from you!

 

Until next time, Care Connect and be a Conscious Communicator

Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

How to Deal with a Tyrant

7:00 am

Have you ever had to deal with a Tyrant?  Someone who is so overpowering they just push everyone else aside?

I had a really interesting experience recently.  I was working with a client who explained that there is a person they have to deal with often who is a Tyrant!  Or as I would describe them “a very strong communicator.”

They are likely The Powerful style who loves problems and challenges, craves results, is very black and white and can come across as confrontational and even aggressive.  Such people can be highly opinionated to the point where the only opinion that can exist in conversation with them is theirs!!

My client was really struggling because they had realised that this person was very good at saying “No” but did not hear when others said “No” to them.  How interesting I thought so I wanted to share this with you all.

Such a strong Communicator has absolutely no issue with boundaries and looking after their own interests.  Most of them don’t even realise how much they can come across like a bully at times.  They honestly think every one else finds it just as easy to say “No,” when needed.

However, here is here it gets interesting, Because they are such strong Communicators and can be so confrontational mostly people don’t actually say “No” to them!  So they get this false sense of reality; thinking there are no issues. They go on their merry way, leaving this wake of people with bruises.

When someone finally comes along that says “No” to them; they don’t even hear it.  You actually have to say to them, “Sorry, I just said No, I don’t agree with that and you have not heard me.”

 Now I spend much of my training and coaching time helping people become assertive.  If this is not you, you may be having a stroke right now at the thought of being so assertive and direct.

The amazing thing is, it works!  Powerful and Strong Communicators need to be Communicated in a strong and direct way.  They get it and even more importantly they respect it.  The trouble comes when people avoid them and are not direct with them.

One of the keys to great communication is adapting your style to your listener.  So if you are reading this I am sure you are becoming more aware, more conscious and enlightened each day so you understand that even if confrontation scares the heck out of you, it is the best way to be understood by a Strong Communicator.

Best of all they don’t see it as confrontation, I promise.  Just have a go, remember don’t be rude, stick to the facts, use I messages, be assertive and you will get through to that Powerful Communicator.

If you would like to learn bout different communication style then check this out

If you are struggling with a powerful communicator and would like to know more the n get in touch, don’t struggle along alone, we are here to help!  Get in touch here

Until next time, Care Connect, and be a Conscious Communicator.

Lets change our world for the better one conversation at a time.

How to get what you want

7:00 am

Have you ever wished you could just get what you want?  Are you sick of being everything to everyone else?  Of being totally spent because you are there for everyone else?

The key to getting what you want is to understand you communication DNA and to be able to understand how you differ from the person you are dealing or communicating with.  If this is a new concept then click here.

Before you get what you want you need to know what it is you want?  How can you get it of you don’t know?  Is it to be heard and valued at work, or for your partner to hear your concerns, perhaps it’s to have your ideas listened to, maybe its to have a difficult conversation and get a good result?

This is critical and it is really important to get to the foundation of what you want.  Is it to be heard and understood, is it to share your concerns, is it to clear the air, what is it?

The best way to get what you want is to ensure that first of all you know what it is you want and who you want it from.  Is it a boss? a teammate? your business partner? your partner at home? a friend? a client?  Who is it?

Then you need to get into their shoes; yes the best way to get what you want is to understand what they want first!  Sounds weird huh?  But if you know what you want, and what they want you can create a win-win for you both!

This is the best way to get what you want and it does not involve any shady tricks, underhanded tactics or manipulation.

The best way to get what you want is to help others get what they want.  Then it is a great outcome for everyone concerned.

If you would like to know more about how to get what you want, about your Communication DNA or have another question about how to take your Communication to the next level – don’t be shy, get in contact.  You can email us here.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Conscious Communicator

Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

When communication goes wrong

7:00 am

We’ve all been there, when we had good intentions, we spoke up and it all went pear shaped.  You wanted to clear the air, and all you did was create a complete crap storm.

What went wrong?  This is painful…. how do I know? I have done this more than most!  I have created an art form of poor communication.  This is why I share all of my learning’s with you guys.  May as well make my mistake helpful for someone else.  “Don’t do what I did!”

 One of the main reasons things go wrong in communication is because we automatically assume that everyone sees the world the way we do.  For example, I get annoyed when….  I would feel like this if……

Ok, newsflash!  The world does not see things the same way you do, each of you is completely unique, yes there are trends and similarities BUT you are all unique.  If you are trying to communicate an idea with someone in a way that you need, guess what, it is not what they need…….

To improve your communication and avoid poor communication, you first need to understand yourself.  How?  Check out how here

 Once you understand yourself, you then need to realise the needs of the person you are communicating with.  This conversation is actually about them.  Hang on< have I lost my mind?  Nope, sorry it is about them.

When communication goes wrong it is because we get caught up in ourselves and our needs, not the needs of the most important person in the equation, the listener.  Think about it this way, it doesn’t matter how eloquent you are, how skilled you are, how nice you are.  If your message is not heard and understood , you have completely wasted your time, and confused the poor person in the process.

What happens next is confusion, frustration, tension and then you slide down in to toxic communication town which is not a fun place to be at all.  The higher the stress levels the worse you communicate!  It is a vicious cycle that needs to be ended.

When communication goes wrong the first thing to do is realize it as soon as possible.  Stop, recap on what happened and why.  From here you can then take responsibility and work to apologise and clear the air as soon as possible.  Don’t put this off, the tension and emotions only grow making the whole process even harder.

You know it has gone wrong by watching the response of the other person, was it weird, did they over react, did they behave in an unexpected way?  Was their body language strange?

So, when communication goes wrong, try and catch it as early as possible, take responsibility, apologise and clear the air.  If you don’t the problem will only grow. Do you have questions?  if so, get in touch here.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Conscious Communicator

Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Are You Working with a Tyrant?

7:00 am

Have you ever had to work with a Tyrant?  Someone who is so overpowering they just push everyone else aside?

Based on my Communication DNA model these are the Powerful Communicators.  To learn more about them click here.

 Powerful Communicators usually end up in positions of leadership, management and decision making.  Why?  Because they love control!  This does not make them great at leadership however.  It takes a very self-aware person to be an awesome leader.

They are likely The Powerful style who loves problems and challenges, craves results, is very black and white and can come across as confrontational and even aggressive.  Such people can be highly opinionated to the point where the only opinion that can exist in conversation with them is theirs!!

Powerful Communicators are very good at saying “No.”  They know what they want and they go for it.  They are driven by results and often mow people over to get to the result

Such a strong Communicator has absolutely no issue with boundaries and looking after their own interests.  Most of them don’t even realise how much they can come across like a bully at times.  They honestly think every one else finds it just as easy to say “No,” when needed.

However, here is here it gets interesting, Because they are such strong Communicators and can be so confrontational mostly people don’t actually say “No” to them!  So they get this false sense of reality; thinking there are no issues. They go on their merry way, leaving this wake of people with bruises.

 Now I spend much of my training and coaching time helping people become assertive so they can effectively deal with a Tyrant or Powerful Communicator.  You may be having a stroke right now at the thought of dealing with someone so assertive and direct.

The key is communicate with them in their way, be direct!  The amazing thing is, it works!  Powerful and Strong Communicators need to be Communicated in a strong and direct way.  They get it and even more importantly they respect it.  The trouble comes when people avoid them and are not direct with them.

One of the keys to great communication is adapting your style to your listener.  So if you are reading this I am sure you are becoming more aware, more conscious and enlightened each day so you understand that even if confrontation scares the heck out of you, it is the best way to be understood by a Strong Communicator.

Best of all they don’t see it as confrontation, I promise.  Just have a go, remember don’t be rude, stick to the facts, use ‘I’messages, be assertive and you will get through to that Powerful Communicator.

If you are struggling with a powerful communicator and would like to know more then get in touch, don’t struggle along alone, we are here to help!  Get in touch here.  

If the concept of different Communication styles, communication strengths and adapting your style is new, and you would like to know more  then check this out

Until next time, Connect, care be conscious Communicators.

Lets change our world for the better one conversation at a time. 

Emotions and Communication

2:14 pm

emotion
Emotions, we all feel them, every single day.  Some of you feel them deeply while others prefer to ignore.  Regardless, they happen all the time and they have a marked effect on your behaviour and communication.

An emotion is “a strong feeling coming from your circumstances, mood, or relationships with others”, or an “instinctive or intuitive feeling that is to be distinguished from reasoning or knowledge.”

Emotion can be like noise; it can confuse you, distract you and confound you.  Have you ever felt an emotion so strong that you literally did not know what to do?  It can be a very overwhelming experience.  But your emotions are necessary.  They are part of who you are.  Learning to go with them, to feel them and then let go of them is a really healthy way to work with you.

Emotions need to be felt, acknowledged and processed.  If you try and avoid them then they only grow.  A feeling that is small can grow into a large beast that wreaks havoc if you try and ignore it.

A slight frustration can turn into rage if you allow it to grow, if you don’t feel it, experience it, process it and move on.  Emotion can change how you relate to others also.

Have you ever noticed that as your emotion escalates, particularly negative emotions like sadness, frustration, anger, sadness, disappointment, confusion and grief, your ability to communicate slides downhill very fast?

It’s really poor timing because just when you need to communicate at your best, you are potentially performing at your worst.  It’s critical that you understand for you how emotion affects your ability to communicate and what impacts you have when you are emotional.

For some, when they become emotional they tend to become angry toward others.  They are perceived as negative, aggressive and confrontational.  It is important to become aware of this and work to process your emotions in a way that does not harm your communication with others.

In coming posts we will share ways that different communicators can be perceived and how to ensure that you process your emotions in a healthy way so that they don’t affect your ability to connect with others.  Your relationships and professional life is worth it!

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Facing your fear – saying what you need to say.

11:11 am

Many people don’t face their fear and say what they need to say.  Standing up for yourself and saying what you think or feel takes a whole lot of courage! It really does mean you are facing your fears. Some of you have fears of rejection, fears of inadequacy, fears of failure…. I could go on and on.

Saying what you really feel, sharing your inner most thoughts is confronting to say the least. You are putting yourselves on the line. Many of you have probably been brought up in families where this just not what is done. People hold onto feelings, suppress feelings, stifle our opinions, apologise for reacting to something and clam up.

To make things even harder you are not taught how to understand what makes you tick, why you do what you do, why something’s push tour buttons. Then if you needed more to complicate this already tricky situation, you usually end up close to someone who sees the world in the exact opposite way to you. Tricky, to say the least!

I was working with a group of professionals just recently; they have a very entrenched and unhealthy workplace culture. A few brave soldiers are standing up for change and driving it. Whilst there are others, who have been a part of the toxic culture, and are hanging on for dear life. It is quite a difficult situation.

There is so much emotion, people don’t know who it’s safe to be real with and who you need to watch out for. Everyone is in survival mode so communication is so tense and strained. This naturally brings out the worst in people, which just adds to this spiralling downward cycle.

I really had to commend the courage of these few who stood up and spoke of “the elephant in the room.” Their fear is real; some of the most toxic members of this culture are really tight with the management team.

People are afraid to speak up, to say, “This is just not on!” It has inspired me to write about this issue because I know this is not isolated. I have worked in many workplaces where a few people have just been allowed to get away with bad behaviour.

Partly, I believe it is because people are not confident to speak up and have that difficult conversation (hence our signature course “Master the Art of Difficult conversations”). Check it out here.

Another reason is because we don’t understand how we are different and when someone reacts out of stress we don’t understand and take it personally (hence our signature course “The Enlightened Communicator”). Check it out here.

Finally I believe that many managers do not understand know how to deal with issues of performance and tend to put their head in the sand and allow bad behaviour to reign in their teams. Watch this space for another course to teach Managers how to performance manage well.

So my challenge should you choose to accept it is to speak up! Do something. If this is happening in your world and you are struggling, learn about the communication styles, it is a great start. Learn about your strengths and what may push your buttons.

Learn how to understand the style of others in your world so you can better interpret their behaviour and then de personalise what is not personal. Finally, stand up and say what you believe in, draw a line. This is not acceptable. Believe in yourself enough to know that you deserve better treatment.

You are certainly worth it. At the very least if your workplace is so toxic and change is unlikely then find a place that would benefit form your skills and where you can flourish.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.