dominant communicators

Are you struggling with a Perfectionist?

4:23 pm

Are you a perfectionist, or do you know one? In terms of the Communication Styles, the ‘Perfectionist’ style is the one who is most likely to struggle with this trait. If you live with, work with or love a perfectionist, you may be relating already.  This is a trait that I have struggled with for many years so I feel very comfortable sharing here.

 

Let me refresh your memory, the Perfectionist Communicator is all about procedures, processes and perfection.  They love detail and also want to be right.  These Communicators will correct grammar, spelling mistakes or your facts in conversation.

 

This style loves compliance. By compliance we mean working to a system or order, not compliant.  Particularly to your own system or order however this style will work to someone else’s system or process if they agree with it, or if they see it as correct.

 

This communication style is all about getting things right, EXACTLY Right.  If you know someone with this style they are more reserved and task focused.  They are great at details, probably love stationary (known from personal experience) and are highly organised in many ways.

 

What can make a Perfectionist Communicator Difficult?  Their need for perfection is a real struggle, why?  Because outside of very isolated incidences perfection just does not exist, especially if you are Human…..  So you will never reach the expectations of perfection.  How relaxing.  This Communicator can also get caught up in detail which can lead to procrastination as things cannot be finished until it is perfect.  Which it will never be…..

 

These guys are fearful of their work being criticised, how could they not be when perfection is their benchmark?  However, beware of criticising their work as they put a lot of effort into it being right.  It hurts them intensely if they are corrected, especially if it is not done gently.

 

If you are working with someone with this style they will love details, if you challenge their facts you will need to provide statistical backup because they do know their stuff.  I know one Perfectionist Communicator who reads the Australian Taxation website for fun (I have a headache just thinking about that).  They prefer a quiet and consistent work environment where any changes are explained, where they can be some type of technical or information expert.

 

So perfectionism is a big deal to these guys. REALLY. I know this because this is my second strongest trait and in testing I scored 87%.  This has long been held as a negative trait however; it can depend on your definition. In the negative it can stifle progress because you are expecting something unrealistic.  It can cause paralysis and anxiety beyond description.  It can mess with expectations both in there workplace and at home.

 

So how can we view this positively?  

 

The Greek definition is “a continual journey toward maturity.”   Now this is not how I have used it, or how I would described myself when I am perplexed because something won’t look or fit the way I want it too.   However, I would be a better human if this were my definition.

 

So to any one else out there who is brave enough to say that you have struggled with perfectionism either in yourself or expecting it form other lets change how we see it.  We can all benefit from this definition of a continual journey toward maturity – I say bring it on!

 

So if you are struggling for outcomes with one of these communicators here are some tips;

 

To help them deal with perfection the key is gentle support, they do not respond to harsh, blunt or pushy communication.  Hey work really well with big picture thinkers so that their detailed mind can compensate well with the big vision.  Support to keep their expectations realistic is always helpful as well as encouragement and praise for their strengths as they may get stuck on what is not working.

 

The most important thing for these guys is to be supported, for their expertise to be noted and acknowledged to have a diplomatic and reserved response.  They are not touchy feely like the Playful and Patient Communicator.  So keep it more business like.

 

Do not keep avoiding an issue if you have one; that is not the answer.  The first step may be to understand yourself a little more and to do that you can uncover your Communication strengths, style and struggles with our online course.  It costs as much a takeaway pizza, so it is well worth it!  You can find out more  here.

 

Until next time, Connect, Care and be a Conscious Communicator.

Let’s change our world for the better, one conversation at a time.

Your DNA as a Leader

7:00 am

So by now you may know your Communication DNA and even that of those people in your world that are important to you, or that you need to deal with.  If you are in a position of Leadership, which I believe all of you are in one form or another then understanding your strengths in Leadership is critical.

If you missed the information about Communication DNA check out this video specifically about this concept, it will explain it fully for you.

If you are interested in taking the DNA test then get in contact with us.

You might ask why is understanding Communication important in Leadership?  It’s because great Communication in Leadership is all about ensuring you are heard and understood.  It is about ensuring your message is heard, that you are able to influence positive behaviour and change.

Each style has the capacity to be a great leader, there is no one style that is better.  The key to great leadership is self awareness, understanding that others have different needs and motivators and being able to adapt your style so that you are understood by people even if they are very different to you.

The Powerful Communicator may be drawn to leadership because they love control and to make decisions.  They love to solve issues and attack problems but need to be aware of the body count they can create with their bulldog like ways.  They do not necessarily make the best leaders unless they are self aware and can adapt to the needs of others.

The Playful Communicator is magnetic, popular and charismatic however they also need to be able to harness their strengths and mitigate their challenges.  Being overly Optimistic can be a challenge as well as following through.  Again self awareness is key as well as being able adapt to the needs of others.

The Patient Communicator is gentle, approachable, an amazing listener, able to bring much needed calm to the storm.  However, they also need to be able to communicate confidently, speak up when required and deal with issues as they arise.

The Perfectionist Communicator is great at details process and ensuring that things are done right. In leadership they need to be able to step back and look at the big picture, realise that people will never be perfect and that this is ok.

With self awareness and the right support each of the styles can be an amazing Leader.  The key is knowing and using your strengths to maximize your relationships.  It is also being able to recognise and bring out the strengths in others.  Differences should unite not separate, together we can all achieve more.

If you would like to know more about your communication DNA then get in touch.  We have many options to begin this journey of self discovery including face to face coaching, online coaching and training.

We have coaching programs that can teach you all you need to know about your Communication DNA and how to take your Communication to the next level.

Becoming a more self aware Leader, taking your communication  to the next level will make such a positive impact on your ability to lead and influence others.   If you would like to understand yourself as a Communicator and learn your strengths then perhaps you may like to read The Enlightened Communicator, available for you to review at your own pace.

You can also get in touch via our website, and Facebook so please join the conversation, we would love to hear from you!

Until next time, Care Connect and be a Conscious Communicator

Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

How to Deal with a Tyrant

7:00 am

Have you ever had to deal with a Tyrant?  Someone who is so overpowering they just push everyone else aside?

I had a really interesting experience recently.  I was working with a client who explained that there is a person they have to deal with often who is a Tyrant!  Or as I would describe them “a very strong communicator.”

They are likely The Powerful style who loves problems and challenges, craves results, is very black and white and can come across as confrontational and even aggressive.  Such people can be highly opinionated to the point where the only opinion that can exist in conversation with them is theirs!!

My client was really struggling because they had realised that this person was very good at saying “No” but did not hear when others said “No” to them.  How interesting I thought so I wanted to share this with you all.

Such a strong Communicator has absolutely no issue with boundaries and looking after their own interests.  Most of them don’t even realise how much they can come across like a bully at times.  They honestly think every one else finds it just as easy to say “No,” when needed.

However, here is here it gets interesting, Because they are such strong Communicators and can be so confrontational mostly people don’t actually say “No” to them!  So they get this false sense of reality; thinking there are no issues. They go on their merry way, leaving this wake of people with bruises.

When someone finally comes along that says “No” to them; they don’t even hear it.  You actually have to say to them, “Sorry, I just said No, I don’t agree with that and you have not heard me.”

 Now I spend much of my training and coaching time helping people become assertive.  If this is not you, you may be having a stroke right now at the thought of being so assertive and direct.

The amazing thing is, it works!  Powerful and Strong Communicators need to be Communicated in a strong and direct way.  They get it and even more importantly they respect it.  The trouble comes when people avoid them and are not direct with them.

One of the keys to great communication is adapting your style to your listener.  So if you are reading this I am sure you are becoming more aware, more conscious and enlightened each day so you understand that even if confrontation scares the heck out of you, it is the best way to be understood by a Strong Communicator.

Best of all they don’t see it as confrontation, I promise.  Just have a go, remember don’t be rude, stick to the facts, use I messages, be assertive and you will get through to that Powerful Communicator.

If you would like to learn bout different communication style then check this out

If you are struggling with a powerful communicator and would like to know more the n get in touch, don’t struggle along alone, we are here to help!  Get in touch here

Until next time, Care Connect, and be a Conscious Communicator.

Lets change our world for the better one conversation at a time.

The Powerful and Direct Communicator And Emotion

11:00 am

chat_guys_w640The Powerful and Direct Communicator and emotion.  Let’s just go back and be re acquainted with the lovely Direct style.

Remembering the basics is important.  Firstly; we all have different communication styles.  They are a combination of task or people focused and then outgoing or reserved.

Powerful and Direct styles are action based, outgoing, task focused, results oriented and for the rest of the population they can be quite challenging.  If this is your style however, chances are you are not even aware of the effect you can have on others.

This person is motivated by the challenge, they love to solve problems can be highly competitive and extremely strong willed.  If you want something done, give to this person.  However be aware, they may leave bruises.

These guys really have no idea how straight down the line, no fuss, in your face they can be.  To the average person they can come off at times as aggressive, even like a bully.  Sadly this is not their intent at all.  They are just after the result and if people get in the way, then that’s where the damage can occur.

As for emotion, this style does not readily show emotion, with the exception of ANGER.  They still feel sadness, fear, worry, frustration, guilt, joy – all of these, but may not let you in.  They are too busy chasing down their goals and getting RESULTS.

The Powerful and Direct Communicator needs to be careful of not taking care of themselves emotionally.  They may not get much support because they don’t appear to need it. That being said, of course they do, they are just like the rest of us.

This is my strongest style and I have experienced over and over and over….. I can come across as soooo efficient, and I am not great at asking for help so I tend to do it myself, or seemingly bark orders.  It’s just me being focused and efficient, not rude as it may sound.

When it comes to getting things done, I need help too and need to ask for help, but I am not great at this.  I am practicing, it has become a necessity.

Powerful and Direct styles may offend and may get worn out as it does seem like they need no one and are super able to get stuff done.  Yes they are incredibly efficient but they too need help and support. Even the strong ones need support.

If this is you, or someone you know, be aware of this inability to ask for help, learn to accept that even you need help at times.  Hey, you may even get MORE DONE!!  Please don’t be offended if they appear aggressive, this is their focused business, efficient voice speaking, they don’t mean to sound so harsh.

If you are a Powerful and Direct Communicator and you feel like sometimes you are misunderstood, why not learn more about your strengths and how others may perceive you?  It is such a great investment in yourself.  You can learn more by reading “The Enlightened Communicator”.  It can be purchased here.  Also keep an eye out for a new service we are introducing shortly on how to understand your style.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

The Powerful and Direct Communicator and stress

11:55 am

How do you best deal with a stressed Powerful and Direct Communicator? In our last installment we spoke generally about Communication styles in Strength and in stress, if you missed it click here. It resonated with many of you so I am expanding in this idea for you so that you may benefit form this information next time you find yourself in a stressful situation.

We will begin with the Dominant or Powerful and Direct Communicator who is all about Results. They need big picture, bullet points and control. They are competitive adventuresome and avoid details. They show anger, make quick decisions are usually very impatient and talk loud and fast. They say things like, “give it to me now,” they will tap their foot with impatience if something is too slow for them and they walk with purpose.

Unfortunately in general the ‘Powerful and Direct” communicators have no idea how they come across. They do not understand that even on a good day their authoritative tone can strip paint. Honestly, take it from me I was a very unaware ‘Powerful and Direct’ at one time.

I still get help when trying to be gentle in certain situations because my idea of gentle is very different from the ‘Patienta and Steady’ Style for example. They are the polar opposite of the ‘Powerful and Direct.’ Remember, the ‘Powerful and Direct’ is all about efficiency and doing tasks as well and as quickly possible, they like short cuts, they often forget about the people aspect. They wouldn’t necessarily be offended and forget that others would.

So, I implore you, if you are working or living with a ‘Powerful and Direct’ then take heart, and please don’t take this personally because it really isn’t. They truly don’t get it, which is why Teamology exists in part. This lesson for me was a very personal and painful one.

I had no idea how harsh I could come across at times. I had no ideas that teammates, people I managed and certain family members would avoid me because they thought I was scary, heartless or had some type of God complex. Things could not have been further from the truth.

Like all of us, the ‘Powerful and Direct’ communicator just wants to be appreciated for who they are and to do their best. The way they go about it is usually what causes issues. In good times they at best can be seen as competitive, loud, bossy, direct, goal focused, pushy and confrontational.  However, if you need something done, they will do it.  If you want a decision made, they will make it.  If you need a project completed they will get it done.  They finish whatever they start.

Under stress these attributes become magnified, they tend to speak less and ‘bark orders’, phrases like “just do it” and “it’s not my problem” and “suck it up princess, tell someone who cares” will often be heard. They can appear very cold and removed. Don’t ask for sympathy from them you will not get it.

For example, at work, you have Bill who is a “Powerful and Direct” style who wants results, and will stop at nothing to get them, he is competitive, loud, speaks fast, seems aggressive and you know he means business. Sometimes you may feel like if you get in his way he will likely mow you down.

Under stress, he gets even worse, more inpatient, more task focused, you may even feel bullied by his behavior. Whilst this is not ok, I am explaining this to you for your benefit. By understanding this you will be able to get through this stressful time because you wont take it personally.

One of the best ways to deal with such behavior is to be ‘Direct’ right back. Not rude, but direct and respectful.

For example Bill says to you in a very sharp tone, “this is just not good enough fix it and fix it now!”

You could consider saying with respect “Bill, I disagree, this meets the brief as discussed, if the brief has changed then we can discuss that. However, I can see you are under pressure, your tone sounds rude to me and I do not appreciate it. I am willing to go over how to improve this but only when you are ready to speak with me respectfully.”

Now this may be freaking you out right now but honestly, direct understands direct. The ‘D’ style needs to feel respected and will only respect you when you stand up for yourself and ask to be treated with respect.

This takes practice, so for now if all you can grasp is please don’t take it personally then do that! Resources are coming that will help you to develop the skills you need to deal with those difficult conversations and situations.

For example, our popular workshop “Becoming and Enlightened Communicator” will soon be available as an online course for you to do in your own time! Exciting times are ahead everyone!!

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

Kylie Warry

 

Top 5 Communication Mistakes #5

5:17 pm

The Final Communication Mistake;

5: Not knowing Your Communication

Strengths

We live in a critical world where we all know far too well what we are not good at.  We are told from the moment we are born, you are not good at this, you need to improve that, don’t even try that, it is not a talent of yours.  So what are your strengths – what strengthens you?

We all have strengths in communication – some of us are great at seeing the big picture.  Some are wonderful and charming influencers, some are amazing and patient listeners and others are able to see the detail and analyse information.  Either way we all have strengths.  The problem is, is that many of you don’t know your strengths.  We actually don’t even realise the truth about what strengths are.  We have been fooled into thinking that a strength is something we are good at.  BUT NO!  A strength is something that strengthens you, a weakness is something that drains you.  You may be wonderful at balancing the books but you may absolutely despise it.  That is not a strength!!

When you know your strengths, you know what works for you, you realise that we are all fundamentally different, you close the gap and minimize the misinterpretations, you find common ground and you think before you speak VOILA you have GREAT CONNECTION.

It still confounds me that after completing a Psychology degree, that I was not taught this stuff. Yes we learned active listening and reflective questioning etc but not about Communication styles, differences, strengths etc. No! To learn that I had to seek it out so I have made it my mission to make it easier for any fellow travellers out there that frequently wonder, “Why is it so hard?” Or, “How can we do it better?”  If you’d like to see how the different communication styles work here is a free download on your Communication strengths.

This is by no means an accurate assessment of your Communication strengths but is a greta way for you to begin to understand your strengths and also the strengths of others in your world.

Thanks for joining us to examining the top 5 communication mistakes we make everyday. If you have found this helpful please share it with someone who would benefit.

For tips, free resources and information on our upcoming Master class “The Art Of Difficult Conversations” check out our website at www.teamology.com.au

 

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

Top 5 Communication Mistakes #3

11:29 pm

3: Misinterpreting the message

Misinterpretation, like all miscommunication can occur similar to a slide rule; from small and non-life threatening to huge and life threatening.  For example the barista who mistakenly gives you a full fat latte when you asked for light; to the child crossing the road independently and hears “Go” instead of “No!!”

I heard a comedian recently talking about how does it happen that he goes to the hairdresser and asks for a particular style and somewhere between communicating that idea and the end result he leaves looking like a strange beetle – not what he had in mind….. I think I’ve been to that salon before!

You interpret a message and communication through your own lens, a lens shaped by your genetics, your communication and personality, past experience, emotions and mood that day.  There are quite a few filters.  It’s a bit like when you are in a bad mood in the car and someone toots the horn.  Some of us, (not naming names) may get quite aggressive and start waving our arms and abusing the driver, thinking they were having a go at us.  When in all likelihood it could have been someone saying “Hi” to someone else that they saw and knew.

It’s important to be aware of the “lens” we all have and how it impacts on our perspective of things.  When you are unsure, ask questions until you are clear on the message.  NEVER ASSUME, it can get you into so much trouble.

Next time we will look at the fourth of the top 5 communication mistakes made everyday. If you have found this helpful please share it with someone who would benefit.

For tips, free resources and information on our upcoming Master class “The Art Of Difficult Conversations” check out our website at www.teamology.com.au

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

 

 

 

What are The Top 5 Communication Mistakes? # 1

1:40 pm

What are the top 5 communication mistakes made every day?  Do you make any of these? They are so common, but many are not game to admit it.

When you work on a daily basis with teams and businesses that are struggling with communication, you see a lot!   It is extremely rewarding to see things turn around.  One of my favourite things is when you observe people really connecting, once they know how.

Today, lets begin a conversation about the most common mistakes we make everyday.  Let’s discuss the first of 5 most common mistakes that we see people make in communication every day.  Read on, you may identify with some of this information.

1: Speaking without or before thinking

When you speak before you think it can be disastrous!  I don’t know about you, but much of what goes on in my head is not for public viewing. I can be hard, critical, judgmental, stubborn, and that’s all before breakfast!  If you can slow down and think before you speak, you have time to be clear on what your intention is.

Good question, what is your intention?

Most of the time we don’t even take the time to work this out. Is it to teach, to share, to connect or to impose?   When you aren’t clear of your intention, how can your listener be clear?   As a young Manager I had a team member who was beginning to make a habit of being late to team meetings.  My communication style automatically interprets this as disrespect to me and to the team – that our “important” meetings were not a priority for her.  One morning she arrived late and disorganised again.  I knew I needed to address it.  Fortunately, I had the intuition to ask her what was going on before I “tore strips off her for seemingly disrespecting me and the team”.

I asked what was going on and she quickly and unexpectedly burst into tears as she divulged that her marriage was breaking apart and she was not coping at all.  WOW!  Not on my radar at all! How would I have felt if I had given a serve only to find out my ASSUMPTION of the INTENTION (ie disrespect and lack of priority) was nowhere near the reality?  Her life was in tatters and she was only just hanging on, she certainly did not need me adding to the pressure.

Thankfully I and asked a question “How are you doing?”  Instead of “Why are you always late to meetings!  You are being so disrespectful!”

Can you imagine how this conversation may have turned out had I “stated” rather than “asked.”  This is a really key tip! Ask more questions so you know what issue you’re dealing with.  Drop the assumptions, get clear on your intent and think before you speak.

Next time we will look at the second of the top 5 communication mistakes made everyday. If you have found this helpful please share it with someone who would benefit.

For tips, free resources and information on our upcoming Master class “The Art Of Difficult Conversations” check out our website at www.teamology.com.au

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.