difficult people

Why does that person drive me crazy???

11:55 am

“Why does that person drive me crazy?”  This is a common question I get asked as a Trainer, Speaker and Mentor, there are others too.  I often get other questions like, “Why do they do things like that?  The right way to do this is….  The best way to do this is…….  If you knew what you were doing you would do it this way…..”  Many of you work in environments that require you to work with other people.

These people are very different to you, yes?  Have you ever stopped to think that this can actually be an opportunity to unite and conquer, rather than separate and destroy?

When dealing with others you may have felt misunderstood, ignored, judged, hurt by the response of others, or just confused.  All of these experiences hurt.  Really hurt.  Each time you are hurt you are more likely to recoil and not try again.

Slowly but surely a gap forms.  At Teamology we call it a “Communication Gap.”  This gaps grows and becomes harder and harder to close.  Soon you may feel unsure of how to connect with certain people, fearing a similar outcome.  You may avoid certain people or situations at work.  Perhaps you are not progressing through the ranks or accepting more responsibility due to this fear.   Perhaps you just don’t know how to say ‘No” and the stress is piling up.

You are living beneath your potential!

Did you know, that every person has their own set of strengths.  Yes they do things differently to you and this can be challenging.  However you do need to be able to work well with others.  How would you like to be able to see this problem in a different light?  Would it be helpful to be able to work more efficiently and enjoyably with others in your team?

If you are a Manager would be help if you could bring out the best in each of your staff even though they are all so different?  A one size fits all approach really does not work anymore.  It never really did…….So what do you do?  Imagine if you knew how to easily and effortlessly bring out the best in your team?  It is possible.

If you are struggling with others at work, in your team or in your personal world, there is no doubt this is a really hard place to be.

How would you like to know what makes others tick, why they do what they do?  Additionally how would you like to know how to use these strengths to improve your relationships??  Or get better results??

Amazing huh?  It’s so easy to do, you just first need to understand yourself and how to get the most from your strengths.  If you can relate to this and would like to know what you can do please check out our website for resources, training and encouragement.  You deserve to get that promotion, that new job, more responsibility, to be able to speak up and to say ‘No”.

At Teamology we are completely committed to your success so join us and learn more about your strengths as a communicator and maximise your unique potential.  Please share this with anyone you feel may be encouraged or may need some support.  Check us out on Facebook if you haven’t already and join our encouraging community.  We are also hosting an event in the next few weeks that we will share soon.. So watch this space!

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Even when it’s risky, do you speak up?

11:30 am

How  often have you seen something or heard something you know is not right and not said anything?  We all do it and sometimes the outcomes can be devastating!

Sue was in hospital for a routine tonsillectomy.  She was otherwise a very healthy woman in her mid thirties.  While in theatre the surgeon scrubbed in and proceeded to operate and removed her right foot!

Worse than that, there were 7 other people in that theatre that saw the surgeon doing the wrong thing and no one spoke up!  Why don’t we speak up?  For most of us it is fear, or complacency – we think “surely someone else will say something”.  Imagine how Sue felt when she woke to find such a horrible mistake had been made.  What about the surgeon?  How did he feel?

From a very early age we are subconsciously taught not to speak up.  This feeds into the idea that speaking up is risky.  We are not comfortable speaking up, what if we are wrong?  What if we look stupid? What if we make the other person angry?  Now hospitals are not the only place where this happens.  This occurs in workplaces every single day.  Think of the last time you saw something and knew it was not right, but thought “nope, I’m not saying a word, last time I spoke up I got in to trouble with the boss”.

Who in their right mind would want to anger someone in a position of authority over them?  Surely no one would? But here is the key!  Why does speaking up mean that we will anger someone?  I agree that we have all in the past avoided conversations because we are fearful of upsetting someone.  If we learn how to have these tricky conversations in a more effective way there is no need to fear the outcome.

The way you handle difficult conversations is usually one of two ways.  Firstly, you may become silent or sarcastic and use innuendo and subtle hints (like looks of disgust or disapproval) to get your point across.  How is that working for you?  When you hold back from sharing your true opinion you then create a situation where you may have to live with an outcome you did not agree to, but hey you didn’t speak up!

The other way is to become manipulative or aggressive and forceful to push your opinion onto someone else.  How is that working for you?  In this case you may get your way some of the time but I promise you it will be destroying your credibility and trust in your key relationships.  It’s just a matter of time.

How would you feel if you knew that you could have any conversations with anyone about anything?  These conversation and communication skills are accessible for you.  It’s about knowing how to create an environment where any topic can be addressed.  About creating an environment where it is safe for all parties to share their perspectives.  Once everyone knows where people stand honestly you can come to a mutually agreeable conclusion.

Have you ever thought, “there is absolutely no way I could ever say that!”  Or, “if I told them this they would be so upset!”  This may not be true, this is the story that you are telling yourself.  The skills of creating safety, sharing your opinion, remaining calm and working together to come up with a positive outcome is possible for us all.

in the next edition of light bulb moments we will discuss how your style impacts on how you handle difficult situations, what you feel and what you are likely to do.  When you understand yourself, you are more able to change the behaviours to get a better result.

Teamology is running a workshop in Sydney November 2014 that will teach you the skills to deal with these difficult conversations – details coming soon.  So if you are keen to feel more confident, to say what you need to say, to have that conversation you have been putting off then check out this workshop when it is released later this month.

 

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

Are you a Dominant communicator?

2:13 pm

We all have different communication DNA styles.  They are a combination of task or people focused and then outgoing or reserved.  Powerful and Direct styles are action based, outgoing, task focused, results oriented and for the rest of the population they can be quite challenging.  If this is your style, however, chances are you are not even aware of the effect you can have on others.

This person is motivated by the challenge, they love to solve problems can be highly competitive and extremely strong willed.  If you want something done, give to this person.  However, be aware they may leave bruises.  These guys really have no idea how straight down the line, no fuss, in your face they can be.  To the average person they can come off at times as aggressive, even like a bully. Sadly this is not their intent at all.  They are just after the result and if people get in the way, then that’s where the damage can occur.

This is my strongest style and I have been known to mow people down in the supermarket, I literally don’t see them.  I am focused on the task and the task is to complete the shopping.  It’s not to say “Hi”.  To see who I know, to window shop.  No, its get the items bag them and get out of there!  I have had friends come up to me days later and say they felt really upset when I ignored them, I honestly did not see them. This style gravitates to leadership and management roles where they can make decisions and have control.

Unfortunately unless enlightened they can cause trouble for those in the workplace that have a more people focused, gentle approach.  We will discuss this in more detail in coming editions.  It’s just because they are so fast paced, quick thinking, decisive and you got it – different from you.

So, in summary, the dominant, Powerful and Direct styles are after results, they don’t mess around, they are straightforward, task focused, they like to make decisions, are big picture thinkers and think their way is the ONLY way. They can come across as aggressive, competitive, sometimes bossy and harsh.  However, they get loads done, are goal focused and won’t give in.

Don’t be too hard on a Powerful and Direct style if there is one on your world, they really have a good heart and don’t realise how pushy and direct they can be at times.  Why?  Because I don’t think anyone has been courageous enough to tell them! Next time we will look at the full of fun, people focused style.

If you are a Powerful and Direct communicator and are struggling checkout our resources page or contact us with your specific questions.  Perhaps you’ve been told you are difficult t to work with, or you are just not connecting with others.  Perhaps you tare wondering why your colleagues won’t approach you or work with you.  You may have even been told to get help. For support and training to learn more about your style and how to get the most out of your relationships visit www.teamology.com.au

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.