relationships

Emotions and Communication

2:14 pm

emotion
Emotions, we all feel them, every single day.  Some of you feel them deeply while others prefer to ignore.  Regardless, they happen all the time and they have a marked effect on your behaviour and communication.

An emotion is “a strong feeling coming from your circumstances, mood, or relationships with others”, or an “instinctive or intuitive feeling that is to be distinguished from reasoning or knowledge.”

Emotion can be like noise; it can confuse you, distract you and confound you.  Have you ever felt an emotion so strong that you literally did not know what to do?  It can be a very overwhelming experience.  But your emotions are necessary.  They are part of who you are.  Learning to go with them, to feel them and then let go of them is a really healthy way to work with you.

Emotions need to be felt, acknowledged and processed.  If you try and avoid them then they only grow.  A feeling that is small can grow into a large beast that wreaks havoc if you try and ignore it.

A slight frustration can turn into rage if you allow it to grow, if you don’t feel it, experience it, process it and move on.  Emotion can change how you relate to others also.

Have you ever noticed that as your emotion escalates, particularly negative emotions like sadness, frustration, anger, sadness, disappointment, confusion and grief, your ability to communicate slides downhill very fast?

It’s really poor timing because just when you need to communicate at your best, you are potentially performing at your worst.  It’s critical that you understand for you how emotion affects your ability to communicate and what impacts you have when you are emotional.

For some, when they become emotional they tend to become angry toward others.  They are perceived as negative, aggressive and confrontational.  It is important to become aware of this and work to process your emotions in a way that does not harm your communication with others.

In coming posts we will share ways that different communicators can be perceived and how to ensure that you process your emotions in a healthy way so that they don’t affect your ability to connect with others.  Your relationships and professional life is worth it!

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Inside The Mind Of A Patient and Steady Communicator

10:01 am

harmonyToday I am going to let you inside the mind of a Patient and Steady Communicator.  I want you to imagine that you too are a Patient and Steady Communicator just for a short moment.  How do you feel when you are being pushed, rushed or forced to do something you are not ready to do?

Every other style is probably saying, “what is the issue?”.  However the flustered, sensible, steady, consistent Patient and Steady communicator is thinking, “I don’t need to do this, I like things the way they are, I am going to pretend nothing is happening”.

Patient and Steady Communicators are all about the PEOPLE.  They are not focused on TASKS so much.  Tasks come in way down the list.  The relationships, harmony and stability are what this communicator craves.

I am sharing this with you so if you are living or working with this Communicator, you can catch a glimpse of the world from their perspective.  This builds connection and understanding, something we can all do with more of.

I noticed this very situation one day when my son was in need to get his homework done.  He came home and under pressure from me, whispered that he had about 3 projects due tomorrow.

As I am a Powerful and Direct Communicator and love the challenge, I immediately rose up on the inside and thought about how he could work to get it done.  Before my very eyes I saw him slink within himself, become very quiet and begin to become overwhelmed with the tasks before him.

Inside I am screaming, “What the heck are you doing?  There is no time for avoidance here, you need to get on with it.  You should have planned this and started weeks ago”.  However, I learned years ago that my way does not work for him, and when I push he just gets quieter and digs in his heels.

I stopped, breathed,  (as I was getting frustrated) and thought about the same situation from his perspective.   A very valuable exercise to do.

My son is a Patient and Steady Communicator.  He is all about RELATIONSHIP and he needs stability.  He is a very warm and caring young man but he does not show this openly.  He is quiet, he needs consistency, he hates pressure at all costs and avoids conflict like the plague.  It was really Enlightening for me when I got out of my rush and impatience and took the time to see things from his perspective.

 

Instead, I sat down, looked at him and said, “ok honey iI am here to help you when you need it.  Just let me know.  I am sure you are going to do really well though, you are such a creative young man.”  He smiled, took his time and in about an hour came out and showed me what he was doing and how he was going to get his assignments done.  Such a nicer outcome than if I had kept on with my agenda.

Perhaps fascinating to others it is completely unintentional on their part.  Stabilisers know deep down their avoidance is causing them problems but they really don’t know what to do about it.  Pushing them only makes it worse – they need to be supported, encouraged and believed in.

So, if you are struggling with a Patient and Steady Communicator, don’t take their avoidance or procrastination to heart.  They crave stability and fear change so much that they sometimes make things worse for themselves.  However, they are so supportive and loyal to others, they make wonderful team members and friends.

If they behave in a way that does not seem proactive, please don’t personalise it, they really don’t mean it.  Try to see what they are dealing with or avoiding and their behaviour may make more sense to you.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

Inside The Mind Of A Powerful and Direct Communicator

9:19 am

car-door-79744319490_xlarge-2 Today I am going to let you inside the mind of a Powerful and Direct Communicator.  I want you to imagine that you too are a Powerful and Direct Communicator just for a short moment.  How do you feel when you are in a hurry, stressed or frustrated and your lovely partner opens the door for you???

Every other style is probably saying, “Awwww isn’t he lovely”.  However the flustered, practical, rushed Powerful and Direct communicator is thinking, “I don’t need you to do this, I am in a hurry, you are wasting precious time!!!!”

Powerful and Direct Communicators are all about the TASK.  THEY are not focused on RELATIONSHIPS so much.  They come in way down the list.  The to do list, the projects and the challenges are at the forefront of their mind.

I am sharing this with you so if you are living or working wit this Communicator you can catch a glimpse of the world from their perspective.

I noticed this very situation one day when my loving man was accompanying me to the car.  We were on our way somewhere, we were on the verge of being late and he wonderfully accompanies me to my side of the car, walks in front of me and opens my door.

Inside I am screaming, “what the heck are you doing?  I am perfectly capable of opening the door, now we will be late for sure…..”.  Then I stopped and thought about the same situation from his perspective.  A very valuable exercise to do.

My Husband is an Playful and Influencing Communicator, he is all about RELATIONSHIP.  He is a very warm and caring man and for him when he opens the door for me he is showing me care, love and respect.  It was really Enlightening for me when I got out of my rush and impatience and took the time to see things from his perspective.

There are many other examples when the Powerful and Direct Communicator can get too caught up in the apparent urgency of the TASK and forget about the impact on the people around them.

Perhaps fascinating to others, it is completely unintentional on their part.  So, if you are struggling with a Powerful and Direct Communicator, don’t take their impatience to heart.  They have a timeline, an urgency and a drive for productivity within them that is hard to understand.

If they behave in a way that does not seem appreciative please don’t personalise it, they really don’t mean it.  Try to see what the task is they are trying to accomplish and their behavior may make more sense to you.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.