Communication

Struggling to deal with a Powerful and Direct Communicator?

9:13 am

Direct styles of communication…

My passion is teaching people how to communicate authentically and effectively in any situation.

Did you know that there are different communication styles?  Such differences can wreak havoc in our relationships, sometimes we just don’t get each other!

We all have our own communication style.  Some people are task focused while others are people focused.   Some are outgoing while others are reserved.

One of the four main styles is the Direct and Powerful communicator.  They are action based, outgoing, task focused, results oriented and for the rest of the population they can be quite challenging.  If this is your style, however, chances are you are not even aware of the impact you can have on others.

Direct and Powerful Communicators are motivated by challenges, they love problems can be highly competitive and extremely strong willed.  If you want something done, give to this person.  However, be aware they may leave bruises.

These guys really have no idea how straight down the line, no fuss, in your face they can be.  To the average person they can seem aggressive, even like a bully. Sadly, this is not their intent at all.  They are just after the result and if people get in the way, then that’s where the damage can occur.

This is my strongest style and I have been known to mow people down in the supermarket, I literally don’t see them.  I am focused on the task and the task is to complete the shopping.  It’s not to say “Hi”.  To see who I know, to window shop.  No, its get the items bag them and get out of there!  I have had friends come up to me days later and say they felt really upset when I ignored them, I honestly did not even see them.

This powerful style gravitates to leadership and management roles where they can make decisions and have control.   Unfortunately unless enlightened they can cause trouble for others.   Problems arise because they are so fast paced, quick thinking, decisive and you got it – direct.

Don’t be too hard on the direct communicators in your world.  They really have a good heart and don’t realise how pushy and direct they can be at times.  Why?  Because I don’t think anyone has been brave enough to tell them!

Next time we will look at the Playful Influencing communicator.

If you are a powerful communicator and are struggling checkout our resources page or contact us with your specific questions.  For training to learn more about your style and how to get the most out of your relationships get in touch.

If you would love to understand yourself or others then check out your Communication DNA

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Playful and Influencing Communicators

9:12 am

Today we will focus on the Playful and Influencing communicator.  This Communication DNA style is the second most common of the 4 DNA styles.

The Playful style is one that is warm, fun and engaging.  These guys are all about relationship and having fun.  If you know someone with this style they can range from warm and friendly to zany and the life of the party.

This style does not care so much for organisation, rules, processes, work – it is simply not colourful or fun enough.  As you can imagine, if you work with this style and don’t understand them, you could be having some frustrations.  These guys are very good at motivating and energising people to do the work, not necessarily doing the work themselves.  They can be easily distracted by something that is bright and shiny!

I am surrounded by the Playful and Influencing style, I think it is because I am so driven and full of order and work that I need help to lighten up.  My husband has some of this style  and he will often grab me when I am in the middle of working just to tell me a joke or get me to watch a silly video on social media.  He brings so much laughter into my life.

As you may imagine if I am focused and trying to get work done I can get quite frustrated with his attempts at humour.  However, I have since grown to appreciate the colour and life that he brings to our relationship, without his humour breaks it would be all work and no play!

When this style is understood they make such great friends and teammates, when misunderstood they can seem selfish and self-centered.  Like all of the styles we need to understand the differences and work on how we can best unite to bring out the best in all of us.  We all bring something special and unique to the work and home environment.

If you are a Playful communicator and are struggling you  get in contact with us and ask your specific questions.

So, how can you understand your Communication DNA?  If Communication DNA is a new term for you, check out this video specifically about this concept, it will explain it fully for you.

If you are interested in taking the DNA test then get in contact with us.

For training or to learn more about your DNA style and how to get the most out of your relationships visit us at kyliewarry.com

If you would love to understand yourself or others more then I encourage you to read all about the other DNA styles The Powerful, Perfectionist and Patient styles..

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Perfectionist and Conscientious Communicators

9:11 am

The last but not least of the four communication styles is the Perfectionist and Conscientious style.  This amazing style is all about procedures, processes and systems.

They are all about getting things right.  If you know someone with this style they are more reserved and task focused.  They are great at details, probably love stationary (known from personal experience) and are highly organised in many ways.

In workshops it’s evident who the Perfectionist style is, as they are the ones who find any spelling errors or grammatical issues in my handouts or workbooks, (not that there is that many…..)  Gotta love them!

These guys are fearful of their work being criticized, how could they not be when perfection is their benchmark.  However, beware of criticizing their work as they put a lot of effort into it being right.  It hurts them intensely if they are corrected, especially if it is not done gently.

If you are working with someone with this style they will love details, if you challenge their facts you will need to provide statistical backup because they do know their stuff.  I know one Analytical person who reads the Australian Taxation website for fun (I have a headache just thinking about that).  They prefer a quiet and consistent work environment where any changes are explained, where they can excel in their technical expertise.

These guys are the polar opposite of the playful influencing style, they are not warm and demonstrative, they prefer tasks above people, they wont hug you in public; like an influencer would!  However, if you need a job done that requires detail, high standards and quality, look no further.

This style does not care so much for fun, they love rules, processes, and order- without it there would be complete chaos!  As you can imagine, if you know this style and don’t understand them, you could be having some frustrations.

These guys are very good at critiquing and correcting people (but they don’t mean to be rude they just cannot stand things not being right, they are also sincerely trying to help).  If you need order in your chaos, they will sort you out.

So we have now covered all four communication DNA styles.  I trust you have seen the strengths in each.  We need each style for it’s unique differences.  No one style is above or better than the others.  We are all different and each of us brings incredible value.  Let’s be united by the differences – when we do this we can truly change the world in a better way!

 

If you are a Perfectionist communicator and are struggling you  get in contact with us and ask your specific questions.

So, how can you understand your Communication DNA?  If Communication DNA is a new term for you, check out this video specifically about this concept, it will explain it fully for you.

If you are interested in taking the DNA test then get in contact with us.

For training or to learn more about your DNA style and how to get the most out of your relationships visit us at kyliewarry.com

If you would love to understand yourself or others more then I encourage you to read all about the other DNA styles.  The Powerful, Playful and Patient styles.

 

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Patient and Steady Communicators …

9:09 am

Today we will focus on the Patient and Steady communicator.  This Communication DNA style is the most common of the 4 DNA styles.

This steady gentle style is one that is warm, welcoming, all about relationship and somewhat more reserved than the playful or powerful styles.

These guys are all about consistency, predictability and people.  There is no doubt you would have someone with this style in your life, as this is the most common communication style.

This style is often described as the glue that holds us all together.  While the Powerful style is trying to control things and make decisions the Playful style is all about fun, the Patient style is consistent, caring and loyal.

This style craves predictability, they love processes if someone else sets them up, they will follow the right leader to the very end, and they are committed to their cause.  They will work quietly without the bells and whistles to get the job done.

Don’t expect noise and fan fare.  They are reliable and work to a slower and steadier pace.  They will not cause an uproar and are not likely to speak out against things.  These guys will avoid conflict like the plague, are slower to speak up and want everyone to get along.

I am surrounded by this gentle style, as it is the complete opposite to my Powerful and Perfectionistic traits.  This style is calm, serene, and peaceful.  They don’t get easily flustered and have the best poker face around (they rarely show their emotions on the outside).

When this style is understood they are a loyal team member; they promote calm and stability and will work tirelessly for a cause.  When misunderstood they can seem quiet, uninvolved, avoidant even passive aggressive.

Change is a really big issue for these guys, they crave consistency even if it is destructive.  They are quite like the ostrich putting their head in the sand thinking the issue will just go away.  As you may imagine, facing an issue and trying to work through with this style, can be extremely difficult.  The harder you push the more they shut down.

However, as it is with all of the styles each of us brings our own unique strengths to the table. The Patient and Stable style brings about much needed calm and consistency, without them it would feel like utter madness.

If you are a Patient and Steady communicator and are struggling you  get in contact with us and ask your specific questions.

So, How can you understand your Communication DNA?  If Communication DNA is a new term for you, check out this video specifically about this concept, it will explain it fully for you.

If you are interested in taking the DNA test then get in contact with us.

For training or to learn more about your DNA style and how to get the most out of your relationships visit us at kyliewarry.com

If you would love to understand yourself or others more then I encourage you to read all about the other DNA styles The Powerful, Playful and Perfectionist styles..

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

IMPACT – Houston we have a problem

9:06 am

What does it mean for something to have an impact?

Impact means “when one object comes forcibly into contact with another” it can also mean“a marked effect or influence.”

The first definition feels painful the second may be more of a potential positive.  For example when I think of forcible contact I think if times when I have been in contact with people that have been pushy negative, hurtful.  When I think of the second I think of people who have made me think.

When we speak of being intentional it is about considering what impact you want to have.  Not just spitting out a heap of words, but thinking about what impact you want to have on this person or situation.

Do you want to encourage, teach, give feedback, chastise, hurt, make someone laugh, what is your intention?  This question is particularly important when there is either some tension or confusion in a relationship or when the conversation is rather important.

The goal of any communication is to impart knowledge and change something.  Otherwise why bother?  I wonder though….. how often do you stop and think “what impact am I having here?”

In my experience, we do not stop to consider this often enough.  When running training organisations on becoming better communicators it is often a subject that comes up “who is the best judge of your communication skills?”

Many times I will have senior staff say, “I am”.  When we delve deeper it is apparent that these people have not stopped to consider their impact.  They believe that because they have strung some words together that is enough.

There is so much more to it.  Things like emotion, tone, body language, the context of the situation, the history between the two parties, your intention and different communication styles.  All of these things need to be considered to ensure you get the outcome you are intending.

Have you ever said something and the response you got as completely out of context with what you said?  This used to happen much more often to me which, I am sure is part of why I decided to become more intentional.

I used to walk into a room hand son hips ready to get into the issues of the day, thinking I cam across as friendly and proactive when my team thought I was scary and confrontational.  Two very different scenarios, wouldn’t you agree?  How did we get around this?  I began to learn about different communication styles, as I was frustrated that I was not being understood.  I thought, “there has to be a better way?”

Impact is the first in the process of intentional communication and is particularly important if you have an important conversation that needs to occur.  Take the time to consider what you wish to day, what your intention is, to ensure that your impact matches your intent.

Next time we will discuss the second stage in detail – the effect of the impact or wound.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

The 6 Steps to Intentional Communication

3:01 pm

What does it mean to be intentional?  My first book was called the Enlightened Communicator; it was all about raising your awareness so that you can become a better communicator.

I have now moved toward “Intentional Communication” because awareness alone does not cut it.  You also need to put some action into it.  You need to be Intentional.

Being Intentional means to do something with a purpose or deliberately.  Your actions have a purpose.  It is important to be aware of what is going on around you, you will have noticed the number of articles and prompts about being mindful.  Awareness and acceptance.  Very powerful.

However, I am asking you to take it a step further, not only to be aware, to accept but to do more.  I want you to stop and think about what you need to do to take your communication in the direction you want it to shift into.  For example, in your relationship with your child, do you need to encourage them?  Correct them?  Scold them?  Be gentle with them?

In a relationship with a key work colleague do you need to thank them?  Correct them?  Advise them?  Give them feedback?  Again each of these actions will come with a different intention.

For many years I have noted the effect of communication done badly after some type of painful incident.  Something goes wrong, there is an effect and communication seems to slide ineffectively right down the hill.

For example, imagine you’ve woken up and feel like it’s not your best day.  Let’s say you’re having a bad hair day.  To say you feel lacking in confidence is putting it lightly.  When you get into work, a colleague makes a sly comment and you take it completely out of context and get offended.  They arc up and defend themselves; after all they were just having fun.

Next time you see him you avoid him all together, he then assumes that you really dislike him and he gets even more defensive and hurt.  Before you know it you are both now lurking into the murky depths of toxic unhelpful communication.

Over the years I have delved into the depths of this toxic communication and helped people to sort it out.  Why? Because I’ve been there; personally and professionally.   It’s not a nice place to be.  To get out of this awful place you need to get Intentional.

There are steps to Intentional Communication. I will outline them here but expand on them in coming posts.  The steps are;

  •  There is an impact or crisis moment
  •  There is a wound or pain after impact
  •  We look to treat the current wound
  •  The wound begins to heal
  •  A scar forms
  •  The final stage we aim for is a strengthening after the process

This process can be linear but also can be shortened depending on how treatment and healing is approached.  Some times you go for the quick fix that doesn’t really work and this means that the process is invariably lengthened and complicated.

Next time we will discuss the first stage in detail – the impact.

Until next time Care, Connect and be and Intentional Communicator

Let’s improve the world one intentional conversation at a time.

The Conscientious Communicator And Emotion

11:30 am

P1030198v1The Perfect and Conscientious Communicator and emotion.  Lets just go back and be re acquainted with the lovely conscientious style.

This amazing style is all about procedures, processes and perfection.  The Perfect and Conscientious Communicator works to a system or order.  If there is not a good system they will develop their own system or order.  However, this style will work to someone else’s system or process if they agree with it, or if they see it as correct.  If their work is changed or corrected, they will ask why?  Their work is always completed to their base level of perfection so what could possibly need to be changed?

This communication style is all about getting things right.  If you know someone with this style, they are more reserved and task focused.  They are great at details, probably love stationary, (known from personal experience), and are highly organized in many ways.  They tend to work in highly technical or exacting work environments.

In workshops its evident who the Perfect and Conscientious style is as they are the ones who find any spelling errors or grammatical issues in any handouts or workbooks, (not that there is that many…..).  Gotta love them!

These guys are fearful of their work being criticized, how could they not be when perfection is their benchmark.  Beware of criticising their work as they put a lot of effort into it being right.  It hurts them intensely if they are corrected, especially if it is not done gently.

The emotion they show most often is worry or anxiety, they put a lot of pressure on themselves, you know, to be right, to be perfect.  It’s not easy; in fact it’s impossible.  On the surface this style may not seem to show emotion, they may come across as distant, even aloof, but they feel deeply.

So, if you are dealing with a Perfect and Conscientious communicator, be sure to be kind and respectful when you give feedback, be diplomatic and have your facts and figures straight.  Stop and think, what it is like for them to be expecting to be perfect all the time, what a burden.

Consequently, if they come across as judgmental or overly critical, they are actually trying to help.  It may not feel like it but that is their intention.

If you are a Perfect and Conscientious Communicator and you feel like sometimes you are misunderstood, why not learn more about your strengths and how others may perceive you?  It is such a great investment in yourself.  You can learn more by reading “The Enlightened Communicator”.  It can be purchased here.  Also keep an eye out for a new service we are introducing shortly on how to understand your style.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

The Playful and Influencing Communicator And Emotion

11:01 am

rba1_03The Playful and Influencing Communicator and emotion.  Let’s just go back and be re acquainted with the lovely Influencing style.

The Playful and Influencing style is one that is warm, fun and engaging.  These guys are all about relationship and having fun.  If you know someone with this style they can range from warm and friendly to zany and the life of the party.

This style does not care so much for organisation, rules, processes, work – it is simply not exciting or fun enough.  As you can imagine, if you work with this style and don’t understand them, you could be having some frustrations.  These guys are very good at motivating and energising people to do the work, not necessarily doing the work themselves.

The most common emotion these guys show is Optimism.  They are very friendly and trusting.  Something they need to be aware of because not every one deserves their trust.

This Playful and Influencing style is all about recognition and are very much about people.  So if someone hurts them, it can cut deeply.  They may not show it though as they usually have so many options, they will quickly move onto the next friendship crucial.

This can actually have a stronger affect on the people in their lives who feel left out.  Don’t take it personally if your Influencing friend is there one minute and gone the next.  They do care, they just need to socialise to stay alive, it is truly like their oxygen.

The Playful and Influencing Communicator really has no idea how fickle they can seem when they move onto something new.  They truly do not mean to hurt your feelings.  So if you ever feel like this, it is important to share with them openly and kindly how you feel.  It is crucial to be kind, they need a warm friendly style of feedback.

When this style is understood they make such great friends and teammates, when misunderstood they can seem selfish and self-centered.  Like all of the styles, we need to understand the differences and work on how we can best unite to bring out the best in all of us.  We all bring something special and unique to the work and home environments.

If you are a Playful and Influencing Communicatorand you feel like sometimes you are misunderstood, why not learn more about your strengths and how others may perceive you?  It is such a great investment in yourself.  You can learn more by reading “The Enlightened Communicator”.  It can be purchased here.  Also keep an eye out for a new service we are introducing shortly on how to understand your style.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

Emotions and Communication

2:14 pm

emotion
Emotions, we all feel them, every single day.  Some of you feel them deeply while others prefer to ignore.  Regardless, they happen all the time and they have a marked effect on your behaviour and communication.

An emotion is “a strong feeling coming from your circumstances, mood, or relationships with others”, or an “instinctive or intuitive feeling that is to be distinguished from reasoning or knowledge.”

Emotion can be like noise; it can confuse you, distract you and confound you.  Have you ever felt an emotion so strong that you literally did not know what to do?  It can be a very overwhelming experience.  But your emotions are necessary.  They are part of who you are.  Learning to go with them, to feel them and then let go of them is a really healthy way to work with you.

Emotions need to be felt, acknowledged and processed.  If you try and avoid them then they only grow.  A feeling that is small can grow into a large beast that wreaks havoc if you try and ignore it.

A slight frustration can turn into rage if you allow it to grow, if you don’t feel it, experience it, process it and move on.  Emotion can change how you relate to others also.

Have you ever noticed that as your emotion escalates, particularly negative emotions like sadness, frustration, anger, sadness, disappointment, confusion and grief, your ability to communicate slides downhill very fast?

It’s really poor timing because just when you need to communicate at your best, you are potentially performing at your worst.  It’s critical that you understand for you how emotion affects your ability to communicate and what impacts you have when you are emotional.

For some, when they become emotional they tend to become angry toward others.  They are perceived as negative, aggressive and confrontational.  It is important to become aware of this and work to process your emotions in a way that does not harm your communication with others.

In coming posts we will share ways that different communicators can be perceived and how to ensure that you process your emotions in a healthy way so that they don’t affect your ability to connect with others.  Your relationships and professional life is worth it!

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Your Most Significant Conversation Part 3

10:58 am

fearLast time you were introduced to your chatter box.  That ongoing significant conversation with yourself.  This is the unrelenting chatter that is with you 24/7.  The voice in your head.  If you haven’t read this then check it out here.  We then delved into fear and how this fuels the chatter, you can check that out here.

Today we talk about understanding your chatter.  What are your fears?  What holds you back?

There are a few trending fears such as fear of failure, fear of rejection and fear of success.  We all have fear of something.  The amazing thing is we are only born with 2 fears, and these were all about survival.

They are the:

– Fear of loud noises

– Fear of falling

Every other fear has been imprinted on to us.  Whether we have witnessed or experienced a trauma or learned a fear from observing someone we love, we all have expanded on the list we were born with.  Some many times over.

So this is key to Taming your chatter, get your significant conversation working for you not against you- you need to know what you are really afraid of.  Once you begin to delve into it, you can actually begin to work with it and rewire it to be helpful and an action point.

For example, you may be a small business owner.  You need to make calls to grow your business, however you avoid the phone like the plague.  That thing grows hair and growls whenever you need to make a sales call – why?

Perhaps it’s a fear of failure or of success?  Only you can answer this one.  The thing is, once you expose this to the light of day, it isn’t as scary any more.  Also, once you are aware of what drives you, you are in a position to take action.  For example, if you know that it is fear of failure that makes you avoid the phone you can take charge.

Set some goals around the number of calls you need to make to get so damn good on the phone.  Practice, practice practice, no one got great without it.

Set some goals and rewards for when you do the work.

Next time we will talk about how to “Check your chatter,” how to ensure that you are challenging the lies your chatter box will try and tell you.  Mastering this ongoing significant conversation is a real game changer.

Until next time,

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time. smilie face