conflict

Me, a Tattooed man and Dog Poop.

2:18 pm

Today I will share an incident with you that involved Me, a Tattooed man and Dog Poop.  Another title may have been the Art of Successful confrontation.

We were on our last day of Holidays and we were walking the dogs. It was a lovely break near the beach. Each morning up early and a long walk along the beach that stretches for 20+ kms from near Nelsons Bay to Newcastle.

We were on the approach to the beach when my lovely pup, Betty Boo decided to take a poop on a beautifully manicured lawn. I was unprepared; I didn’t have a doggy poop bag. In my mind I thought, “I’ll come back later and sort that out.”

As we rounded the corner to the beach I hear yelling. There were 2 men walking behind us so I assumed the yelling was to do with them. Then I heard “Oi, you! If you are going to let your dog crap on my lawn you can clean it up!” It was very aggressive and confrontational.

I responded, “Yes, so sorry, was unprepared, I will clean it up on the way back I promise.” He was not impressed, mumbled something less than friendly under his breath and stomped off.

I noticed a slight adrenaline surge, in the pit of my gut. This man was very angry looking and very angry sounding. He was muscled, tattooed and looked quite scary to me. I thought of a couple of things.

Firstly, good on him for addressing this, it wasn’t right for me to leave a poop on his lawn.  Secondly, he didn’t need to be quite so aggressive. What if he had said this to someone else who did not respond quite so humbly and agree to fix it? I could have launched into a tirade of abuse back that may have escalated things very quickly.

My lovely Husband said, “let’s pick it up on the way back and put it on his doorstep hey?” Nice…. Revenge feels good for a millisecond then reality sets in. So I did not agree to this after fantasising about it for a short moment.

What could have been done better?

Speaking up is a great thing. If someone disrespects you or something you stand for, speaking up is a great way to ensure you don’t harbor unforgiveness and resentment. However, it is all about how you do it.

This fellow was far too aggressive. Perhaps because he has been ignored or abused in the past, who knows? All I know is that I would have fixed the mishap regardless and really did not need to be yelled at.

In fact, some of the best influencers I have seen in action kept their cool, speak their mind and the response is nothing short of outstanding. I love that.  So it’s not speaking tour mind that is the issue it is ALL ABOUT how you do it.

So I encourage you to speak your mind. It isn’t easy; most people find it very hard, as they fear the response of others. It’s much easier to mumble something to yourself be passive aggressive, fantasise about your response and not do it, than suck it up and speak your mind.

Have a go, see the respect you have for yourself and that others have for you as you speak up. Notice how much lighter you feel, less stressed, less resentful when you speak up. Just be respectful and stay calm.  Good luck, have a go, until next time….

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time..

The Influencer and Stress

10:15 am

Today we will discuss the Playful and Influencing and Stress.  In a recent installment we spoke generally about Communication styles in Strength and in stress ( if you missed it click here). We then went into detail about the Powerful and Direct Communicator and stress, you can read that one here. I am continuing to expand on this idea for you so that you may benefit from this information next time you find yourself in a stressful situation, with either yourself or another stress head!

The Playful and Influencing Communicator is all about Recognition. They want to be liked and to be the centre of attention. They show warmth, they are fun and overly talkative. They will often say things like “I have an idea!” but will rarely follow through. They are always making jokes and trying to make someone laugh.

The ‘Playful and Influencing’ Communicator loves to talk, to have fun, to entertain. They are often very charismatic and love colours , anything to stand out!! They laugh loud and from their toes!

Unfortunately, in general the ‘Playful and Influencing’ communicators have no idea how they come across. Or they believe that regardless they are so lovely so how could they be difficult? They do not understand that some people can find them overbearing or even rude if they talk too much. The ‘I’ juts wants to be liked.

The ‘Playful and Influencing’ Communicator is the the polar opposite of the ‘Perfect and Conscientious’ Communicator. Remember, the ‘Perfect and Conscientious’ is all about efficiency, perfection, detail and doing tasks as well and as thoroughly possible. They love detail, checklists, order, high quality, they are not too talkative and do not wish to stand out.

So, if you are working or living with a ‘Playful and Influencing’ then take heart, they are not meaning to be rude if they talk too much they just want to be heard and liked. The ‘Playful and Influencing’ Communicator is also highly optimistic so may get carried away with an idea or put their hand up for a project. However, as soon as the excitement wears off so does their energy and progress. If you manage or work with someone like this it is extremely important to keep them accountable.

I am married to an ‘Playful and Influencing’ and he is the colour in my world. His energy is amazing, he is always optimistic and full of ideas. Sometimes he gets a bit excited with how much can be squeezed into a 24 hour period, but he is so much fun.  One of  the keys to me being able to love him and fully appreciate who he is has been understanding.  This is also a two way street.  He has also taken the time to understand me.

Under stress the attributes of the Influencer become magnified. The ‘Playful and Influencing’ tends to speak more and listen less, they will talk purely for the sake of it and it is all about them craving the recognition. They can appear very selfish and egotistical. But they just want to be liked and recognised for who they are. Under stress they can become even more flighty and zip about like a fly at a window.

For example, at work, their is Lilly who is an “Playful and Influencing” style who wants recognition, and sees the good and fun side to everything. She is talkative, funny, speaks fast, speaks a lot, seems flippant some times and you sometimes wonder how to get a word in edgewise. Sometimes you may feel like you try to share some of your stories BUT they get lost in theirs. They always have another story, a better, more hilarious story. Eventually you stop trying to share.

Sometimes when speaking with Lilly, you see her glaze over as she becomes ‘bored’ and moves onto a more interesting topic or person. This hurts you, but she seems oblivious. The truth is she is. None of this is personal at all; she really wants you to like her, to think she is funny and entertaining.

Under stress, she gets even worse, more talkative, more self focused, you may even feel hurt and ignored by her behavior. Whilst this is not ok, I am explaining this to you for your benefit. By understanding this you will be able to get through this stressful time because you wont take it personally.

One of the best ways to deal with such behavior is to be ‘kind’ right back. Not rude, don’t shut them out or ignore them but actually ask the question “is everything ok? You seem distracted today, I’ve tried to talk to you but you aren’t hearing me. By doing this you are seeing them, you are recognising them.

For example Lilly says to you fast and fun, “how was your weekend?” As you begin to answer, she jumps right on over the top of you and tells you all about hers.

You could consider saying with patience and care “Lilly, are you ok? you seem distracted today. You asked me about my weekend and I’d love to share but I feel like you aren’t listening to me, is everything all right?”

Now this may be freaking you out right now but honestly, the influencer will appreciate you noticing. The ‘I’ style needs to feel recognised and heard and will really appreciate you noticing. Most people just get frustrated and move on. Doing this builds a stronger connection for you both.

It is also incredibly healthy to acknowledge for your own needs that you are not enjoying this one-way conversation. Healthy conversations need to be 2-way.

This takes practice, so for now if all you can grasp is please don’t take it personally then do that! Resources are coming that will help you to develop the skills you need to deal with those difficult conversations and situations.

For example, our popular workshop “Becoming and Enlightened Communicator” will soon be available as an online course for you to do in your own time! Exciting times are ahead everyone!!

Until then, be patient with each other. When something is not working look for the answer other than a personal angle. It is usually not about us, I know it’s hard to believe but really it isn’t.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Kylie Warry

 

Your Communication in Strength and in Stress

9:18 am

Did you know that your Communication in Strength and in Stress can be quite different?  If you have read this blog for any length of time you will know by now that we all have different preferences for Communication.

There is the Powerful and Direct Communicator who is all about Results. They need big picture, bullet points and Control. They show anger, make quick decisions are usually very impatient and talk loud and fast. They say things like, “give it to me now,” they will tap their foot with impatience if something is too slow for them and they walk with purpose.

There is the Playful and Influencing Communicator who wants Recognition, they want to be liked and to be the centre of attention. They show warmth, they are fun and overly talkative. They will often say things like “I have an idea!” but will rarely follow through. They are always making jokes and trying to make someone laugh.

The Patient and Steady Communicator just wants harmonious Relationships. They want us all to get along. They need stability, consistency and support.   They are such supportive people themselves, they are always listening to others and trying to quietly make a difference. They are quiet don’t really show emotion and are the quiet achievers. Of you ask them a question they will answer “whatever you think” they don’t like to make decisions.

Finally you have the Perfect and Conscientious Communicators. These Guys just want things to be Right they are structured, love detail, love systems and pride themselves on being highly efficient and organised. These guys are perfectionistic tend to worry and will say things like “let’s get it right” or “that’s not the rule.”

As you may see we are all quite different. We tend to Communicate according to our preferences which is confusing to someone who has different preferences. However, I also wanted to highlight another important fact.

When things are great and you are in cruise mode you tend to communicate out of your strengths. When you are stressed you tend to communicate out of your weaknesses. Unfortunately this only makes the Communication gap wider and adds to the tension everyone is experiencing.

Under tension or stress for example, The Powerful and Direct Communicator gets even more demanding, pushy and obstinate. Yes they want results but this behaviour will not get them and so the tension grows.

The Playful and Influencing Communicator in stress only wants to be liked and tends to talk even more making them seem gabby and self centred. This certainly does not help them to build relationships and get recognition, adding to their stress.

The Patient and Steady Communicator tends to shut down under stress. They show very little emotion and may come across and cold and uncaring which is the exact opposite to what they feel inside. As you may imagine this only adds to the stress and conflict which makes them shut down even further.

Lastly the Patient and Conscientious Communicator becomes highly critical, systematised to the point of rigidity and nit picky when stressed. This means that people tend to avoid them, which does not help them in their quest for things to be perfect.

This is a very small snapshot of how stress can affect each Communication style and why tension in the workplace can be so damaging. Just imagine for a moment if this is your workplace and this is where you spend the majority of your time. On top of this you are expected to produce results to ensure your job continues to exist.

When working with teams under stress the first thing we always do is help team members to learn their strengths. We then help them to understand how to see the strengths in others and finally we teach them about the different Communication preferences so they can adapt their message and be better understood each and every time.  

So, if you relate to this scenario please take a step back and see which Communication style you relate to. If you need more information you can always take a look at “The Enlightened Communicator” as this will help you to understand each of the styles in more detail.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Facing your fear – saying what you need to say.

11:11 am

Many people don’t face their fear and say what they need to say.  Standing up for yourself and saying what you think or feel takes a whole lot of courage! It really does mean you are facing your fears. Some of you have fears of rejection, fears of inadequacy, fears of failure…. I could go on and on.

Saying what you really feel, sharing your inner most thoughts is confronting to say the least. You are putting yourselves on the line. Many of you have probably been brought up in families where this just not what is done. People hold onto feelings, suppress feelings, stifle our opinions, apologise for reacting to something and clam up.

To make things even harder you are not taught how to understand what makes you tick, why you do what you do, why something’s push tour buttons. Then if you needed more to complicate this already tricky situation, you usually end up close to someone who sees the world in the exact opposite way to you. Tricky, to say the least!

I was working with a group of professionals just recently; they have a very entrenched and unhealthy workplace culture. A few brave soldiers are standing up for change and driving it. Whilst there are others, who have been a part of the toxic culture, and are hanging on for dear life. It is quite a difficult situation.

There is so much emotion, people don’t know who it’s safe to be real with and who you need to watch out for. Everyone is in survival mode so communication is so tense and strained. This naturally brings out the worst in people, which just adds to this spiralling downward cycle.

I really had to commend the courage of these few who stood up and spoke of “the elephant in the room.” Their fear is real; some of the most toxic members of this culture are really tight with the management team.

People are afraid to speak up, to say, “This is just not on!” It has inspired me to write about this issue because I know this is not isolated. I have worked in many workplaces where a few people have just been allowed to get away with bad behaviour.

Partly, I believe it is because people are not confident to speak up and have that difficult conversation (hence our signature course “Master the Art of Difficult conversations”). Check it out here.

Another reason is because we don’t understand how we are different and when someone reacts out of stress we don’t understand and take it personally (hence our signature course “The Enlightened Communicator”). Check it out here.

Finally I believe that many managers do not understand know how to deal with issues of performance and tend to put their head in the sand and allow bad behaviour to reign in their teams. Watch this space for another course to teach Managers how to performance manage well.

So my challenge should you choose to accept it is to speak up! Do something. If this is happening in your world and you are struggling, learn about the communication styles, it is a great start. Learn about your strengths and what may push your buttons.

Learn how to understand the style of others in your world so you can better interpret their behaviour and then de personalise what is not personal. Finally, stand up and say what you believe in, draw a line. This is not acceptable. Believe in yourself enough to know that you deserve better treatment.

You are certainly worth it. At the very least if your workplace is so toxic and change is unlikely then find a place that would benefit form your skills and where you can flourish.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

Giving constructive feedback? Pt 2

2:49 pm

How do you approach giving someone constructive feedback? Pt 2

Constructive feedback can be challenging, please ensure you have read Pt 1 as well as this edition.  When it comes to giving constructive feedback do you take a gently does it approach?  This can come across as more caring and certainly not confrontational however, you also need to ensure you are clear.  You don’t want to confuse the poor person.

I heard Oprah speaking about the first time she fired a staff member.  She said that she explained it so slowly and kindly that at the end of the meeting (2 hours later…) the person was not aware that they had been fired.  Uh oh!  You need to ensure that they get your feedback.

Do you worry about how they will take it, get all messed up and then it becomes all about you?  This can be traumatic for the person providing the feedback as you are racked with assumption, assuming the worst before you have even started a conversation.

Particularly if the feedback is not positive, if you need to address a problem, or something very challenging like terminate some ones employment.  In any conversation the moment we begin assuming, and filling in the gaps we are headed for trouble.

The other problem here is how we respond in situations when we are highly emotional.  Our brains virtually switch off and we can behave erratically or irrationally.

It is important that as soon as you notice you are assuming the worst or even assuming at all, you need to stop yourself.  This will only heighten your stress levels and anxiety.  Besides, an important note, this is not about you.

Effective communication should always be aimed at the receiver – how will they best receive this message.  So calm down and stop assuming!

Do you think about it from their perspective, get into their shoes and deal with it with warmth and respect?  In my experience I have found this to be the most effective way of approaching feedback.

The moment you approach feedback from the receivers perspective you are on the right track.  You are then able to ensure your communication is tailored for them.  It is also important to be respectful and not confrontational.

Despite how serious the breach has been or the issue is at hand, there is no need to disrespect.  When you approach difficult conversations with clarity, warmth and respect you are creating the best possible environment for effective communication.
 
If you need a better solution to giving feedback contact us at www.teamology.com.au to discuss how we can assist you.

When you understand your own needs as a Communicator and can work out the needs of others giving and receiving feedback becomes so much easier and more successful for everyone involved.  Check out our blue print for effective communication as a good starting point.  Join our community and you will be able to download it it for free.

If you have found this helpful, please share it with someone you think will benefit also.

 

For tips, free resources and our blog  “light bulb moments” head here to  www.teamology.com.au

 

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

Giving constructive feedback. Pt 1

9:03 pm

How do you approach giving someone constructive feedback?

Did you know that the way you approach this task says more about you than you might know?  We each have our own unique communication style that influences and drives how we interact with others.

Additionally, many of us do not know how to best approach giving constructive feedback.  This is a critical skill in our communication, it is important to give positive feedback but also constructive.  Without it how do we improve?

As we are all different our approach to feedback also differs.  Some of us are task focused and some are more people focused.  Some are more outgoing and others are more reserved.  I am making it very simple here of course as humans we complicate things so much more – but I like SIMPLE!

Giving feedback is essential in our communication.  It is how we interact on a different level, how we show our impact, how we let someone know the impact they have had on us or on our expectations of them.

In a business environment feedback is essential.  All of us have had feedback sessions with mentors or managers, some great and empowering while others would be filed in the “traumatic” drawer we prefer not to look in all that often.

So how do you approach it?
 Are you an avoider?
 Do you launch in boots and all?
 Do you take it slowly and gently?
 Do you worry about how they will take it, get all messed up and then it becomes all about you?  Or,
Do you think about it from their perspective, get into their shoes and deal with it with warmth and respect? 
 
Which approach do you think will work out best in the end?

Let’s go through these options and see where they may take us.
 
 The avoider – this approach rarely works in the long run.  People who avoid issues need to have an amazing tolerance for mediocrity because, best-case scenario, that’s what you will end up with.

Avoiding the issue of giving feedback will only ever hinder the process of growth and development for both you and the person who is to receive the feedback.  When you avoid an issue, it tends to grow, so small issue will grow into a much bigger issue with avoidance.

Jumping in boots and all can also be problematic if you are not fully prepared and able to think before you speak.  The best thing about this approach is that you are doing it.

The most problematic issue may be that if you go in too hard and fast you risk offending the receiver of the feedback; particularly, if the feedback could be confronting for the receiver.

Feedback alone is a confrontational process to go through so we need to be aware of this and ensure our approach is not confrontational as well.

Next time we will check out the gently gently approach to feedback namely, and discuss some effective techniques you can put in place to assist you.

If you have found this helpful, please share it with someone you think will benefit also.

For tips, free resources and information on how to become a more effective communicator check out www.teamology.com.au

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

When Opposite Communicators interact

1:32 pm

When opposite Communicators interact it can get ugly.  There can be misunderstanding, tension and ultimately conflict.  Today we will look at the Direct and Steady Communicators interacting.

We have discussed the Powerful and Direct Communicator many times however, here is a quick summary for you. The direct styles are after results, they don’t mess around, they are straightforward, task focused and outgoing. They like to make quick decisions, are big picture thinkers and think their way is the ONLY way.  They can come across as aggressive, competitive, sometimes bossy and harsh. However, they get loads done, are goal focused and won’t give in.

The Patient and Steady Communicator is one that is patient, quiet and does not show emotion.  They are people focused and reserved.  These guys are all about relationship and everyone getting along.  They crave harmony and really don’t like confrontation or change.  If you know someone with this style they are the people you go to when you near a good listener and a cup of tea.  They don’t make a fuss are fiercely loyal and have a quiet stubbornness about them.

This style does not care so much for action, results and competition – they are the the mortar between the bricks, holding everyone together. As you can imagine, if you work with this style and don’t understand it, you could be having some frustrations.  These guys are very good at chugging along consistently, at a slow and steady pace.  They may procrastinate because change is scary and they really find saying ‘No’ a challenge.

So what can happen when these two styles come together?  Firstly, they are polar opposites.  They have very little in common, the Powerful and Direct style is all about results and the Patient and Steady style is all about relationships. The “Powerful and Direct” style can be perceived by the “Patient and Steady” style as cold and uncaring.  Patient and Steady Communicators can find the Powerful and Direct Communicator far to confrontational and aggressive initially.  However, because these styles are so opposite you often find that they marry each other.  Amazing hey?  The “Patient and Steady” Style loves the boldness and strength of the “Powerful and Direct” whilst the “Powerful and Direct” communicator loves the relaxed and serene nature of the “Patient and Steady”.

In the workplace, the “Patient and Steady” style can be perceived by the “Powerful and Direct” style as too slow and lacking courage to speak up.  The “Powerful and Direct” is impatient and has no trouble telling anyone what they thin,.  The “Patient and Steady” does not like to rock the boat and can find the ‘D” highly confrontational even bully like.

Can you imagine these two working on a project together? The “Powerful and Direct” can be all about it’s their way or the highway while the “Patient and Steady” has great ideas too, they just are unlikely to speak up in front of the bossy “Powerful and Direct”.  The “Patient and Steady” will agree on the surface, feeling unable to speak up and afterward will do what they were going to do anyway,  This drives the “Powerful and Direct” style bonkers as they don’t understand why the “Patient and Steady” just did not speak up.  After all, they would!

The “Powerful and Direct” would love the patience, go wight he flow nature of the “Patient and Steady” has toward others, rather than potentially offending and scaring people like a strong “Powerful and Direct” can. These two styles can work so well together if they are aware of how they can potentially cause tension and how to bring out the best in others.

For example, the Strong “Powerful and Direct” can be all about results but an aware “Powerful and Direct” will realise that getting results through people is smart. The Strong “Patient and Steady” may be more focused on people and relationships however at some point will need to produce a result and speak up.   This may require standing up for themselves and saying what they think at a risk of offending someone.  The two can work together to get a great result with a motivated and consistent team work.

It all comes down to realising we are all different and that we all have something to offer, something valuable. So next time that Strong “Powerful and Direct” communicator is telling you what to do and is not open to suggestions; a good starting point may be to understand they are all about the result and they don’t realise how offensive their direct style can be.

Next time the Strong “Patient and Steady” is avoiding a difficult conversation or saying “Yes” again when they know they need to say “No,” be patient with them.  Encourage them, their fear of confrontation is mind numbing for them.  They would rather say “Yes” at their own costs than risk offending someone.

If you would like to understand your own Communication style and that of those you work with, check out our workshops and resources at www.teamology.com.au.  Understudying your own communication style and how to understand others is such a rewarding and worthwhile investment of your time.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

When Strong Communicators don’t listen

12:12 pm

I had a really interesting experience recently. I was working with a client who explained that there is a person they have to deal with often who is a very strong communicator.

They are likely a Powerful and Direct style who loves problems and challenges, craves Results, is very black and white and can come across as confrontational and even aggressive. Such people can be highly opinionated to the point where the only opinion that can exist in conversation with them is theirs!!

My client was really struggling because they had realised that this person was very good at saying “No” but did not hear when others said “No” to them. How interesting I thought so I wanted to share this with you all

Such a strong Communicator has absolutely no issue with boundaries and looking after their own interests. Most of them don’t even realise how much they can come across like a bully at times. They honestly think every one else finds it just as easy to say “No,” when needed.

However, here is where it gets interesting.  Because they are such strong Communicators and can be so confrontational – usually people don’t actually say “No” to them!  So they get this false sense of reality, that there are no issues and they go on their merry way.

When someone finally comes along that says “No” to them; they don’t even hear it. You actually have to say to them something like, “Sorry, I just said No, I don’t agree with that and you have not heard me.”  Be persistent, they are!

Now I spend much of my training and coaching time helping people become more assertive. If this is you and you struggle with the idea of being assertive, you may be having a stroke right now at the thought of being so assertive and direct.  In fact, many people I consult with are worried that they will seem rude and uncaring.

This is far form the truth and the amazing thing is, it works! Strong Communicators need to be Communicated in a strong and direct way. They get it and even more importantly they respect it. The trouble comes when people avoid them and are not direct with them.

One of the keys to great communication is adapting your style to your listener. So if you are reading this I am sure you are becoming more aware, more conscious and enlightened each day so you understand that even if confrontation scares the heck out of you, it is the best way to be understood by a Strong Communicator.

Best of all they don’t see it as confrontation, I promise. You are the only one struggling with this idea, not them.  Just have a go, remember don’t be rude, be respectful, stick to the facts, use “I” messages, be assertive and you will get through to that Strong Communicator.

If you need help with these Communication skills, we can help!  Check out our website by clicking here and drop us a line, or send an email and we can begin to resource you.

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

 

Lets change our world for the better one conversation at a time.

Pronunciation frustration

4:18 pm

We talk often on the difficulties in communicating, one that I experienced recently was pronunciation frustration.  Have you ever experienced it? I was at a great café recently with a girlfriend having lunch and planning some business adventures. We had perused the menu and made our choice.

I was unsure where to order so I went to a friendly looking young man behind the counter and said “Excuse me, can you tell me where to order?” He looked straight at me and with a South American lilt said “right there.” And he pointed to a space next to the counter.

To say I was puzzled was a major downplay. I looked, saw no place to order and said, “Are you sure?” Again he responded with a big smile, “Yes.”

I took a step or two backwards, looked at the counter again and could not see a computer, till or anything else that looked like the place to order so again I said “I’m sorry but where do we order?”

Again like “Groundhog Day” he looked straight at me and said, “Right there.” Again he pointed to a space next to the counter. Again, I was puzzled, for the life of me I could not see where to order. I’m starting to feel kinda stupid now and wondering what to do, do we keep playing ‘misunderstanding tennis’ back and forth until we have a winner or what?

What do you do when you’ve been misunderstood or you are in a situation like this where you don’t really know what else to do to move forward?  Some people raise their voice like it’s a volume thing. I considered this but decided against it.  Some keep repeating, some just stop trying.

My girlfriend comes over and joins in, “Where do we order?” He points a little more energetically this time and says “here!!!” Pointing to a water bubbler. Finally I think I have solved the puzzle of the day and I say, “Order, not water.”

It’s now his turn to look perplexed, puzzled and then you literally see the light bulb go on and in his lovely South American lilt says “Ahhh Order, not water!” Both my girlfriend and I chime in together, “Yes!” With an even bigger smile and I am sure some relief he points us to the far end of the building.

I walk down to the end of the building and order. I am still shaking my head, thinking man, how can something so simple become so hard?

You see it’s not only communication styles that get in the way of our connection but also things as small as pronunciation. In our beautiful and very multicultural nation we come across this everyday.

Now I could have listened to this fellows beautiful South American lilt all day long, but it doesn’t mean I missed the meaning of a few of the words he said, and vice versa.

So I encourage you all, persist, work for that connection and understanding, be kind to each other along the way and you too will have that awesome connection. You may even get to order your lunch!!

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.

Top 5 Communication Mistakes #5

5:17 pm

The Final Communication Mistake;

5: Not knowing Your Communication

Strengths

We live in a critical world where we all know far too well what we are not good at.  We are told from the moment we are born, you are not good at this, you need to improve that, don’t even try that, it is not a talent of yours.  So what are your strengths – what strengthens you?

We all have strengths in communication – some of us are great at seeing the big picture.  Some are wonderful and charming influencers, some are amazing and patient listeners and others are able to see the detail and analyse information.  Either way we all have strengths.  The problem is, is that many of you don’t know your strengths.  We actually don’t even realise the truth about what strengths are.  We have been fooled into thinking that a strength is something we are good at.  BUT NO!  A strength is something that strengthens you, a weakness is something that drains you.  You may be wonderful at balancing the books but you may absolutely despise it.  That is not a strength!!

When you know your strengths, you know what works for you, you realise that we are all fundamentally different, you close the gap and minimize the misinterpretations, you find common ground and you think before you speak VOILA you have GREAT CONNECTION.

It still confounds me that after completing a Psychology degree, that I was not taught this stuff. Yes we learned active listening and reflective questioning etc but not about Communication styles, differences, strengths etc. No! To learn that I had to seek it out so I have made it my mission to make it easier for any fellow travellers out there that frequently wonder, “Why is it so hard?” Or, “How can we do it better?”  If you’d like to see how the different communication styles work here is a free download on your Communication strengths.

This is by no means an accurate assessment of your Communication strengths but is a greta way for you to begin to understand your strengths and also the strengths of others in your world.

Thanks for joining us to examining the top 5 communication mistakes we make everyday. If you have found this helpful please share it with someone who would benefit.

For tips, free resources and information on our upcoming Master class “The Art Of Difficult Conversations” check out our website at www.teamology.com.au

 

Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.  Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.